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" I would hate to meet myself at 15. "

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" I did sketch comedy, but I never did improv. So I've just tried to learn as I go. "

" The moment I accept that there's an artistic, redeeming quality in puns, I have a horrible feeling I'll get hooked. "

" If you're asking me, would I have voted for Mitt Romney, the answer is absolutely not. Emphatically not. I cannot envision a world in which I would have voted for Mitt Romney unless I sustained a massive concussion. "

" Campaign ads are the backbone of American democracy if American democracy suffered a gigantic spinal injury. "

" It really helps a comedian to be an outsider. "

" In improv, the whole thing is that it is a relationship between the two people, as a back and forth. In standup, you don't really want to be listening to what somebody is saying; you want to project your jokes into their face. And that's really not a good instinct with a 'Daily Show' field piece, where it's supposed to be an interview. "

" When you're doing stand-up, you want to stand onstage and, to the extent that you can, uncomplicatedly entertain. "

" I do one accent - my own. I can make it louder or quieter. That is the sum total of my vocal range. I thought I could do an American accent until I tried it in front of an American - the expression of horror is still burnt onto my retinas. "

" I knew I was going to go into the field and make fun of people to their faces. I knew what I was getting into. "

" I feel more at home knowing I'm not really at home. It takes all the pressure off you trying to fit in! "

" Congress never loses its capacity to disappoint you. "

" I watch one news channel until my soul can't take it anymore. It's the background of my life. "

" I really love stand-up. I'm more than happy to do it for nothing. I've come to America to do it for nothing. It's the American Dream: Work for free. "

" When you've married someone who's been at war, there is nothing you can do that compares to that level of selflessness and bravery. "

" I'm British, so obviously I repress any powerful emotions of any kind in relation to anything. "

" Here in America, people come out to see what they've known you to do. In England, it's like everyone comes out to tell you exactly how well they think you're doing. "

" I'm always interested in audience interaction. Not so much aggressive audience interaction - I'm genuinely interested in how people see things. "

" Americans just don't understand dry wit. "

" People in Britain see Richard Quest as a kind of an offensive cartoon character. "

" I know I'd be an absolutely horrendous politician. "

" Being a Mets fan is like lending someone a lot of money and you just know that you'll never get paid back. "

" You just try to be true to your idea of what is funny and what is also interesting. "

" Most stand-ups, once they have done it, think of it as their default job. I'm pretty sure Jon Stewart still feels that way now. You are a stand-up first; other things come and go. "

" As any Brit will understand, things get a little easier when you don't have to be number one any more. Really, the fall of an empire is not as bad as everyone thinks. It's like retirement. People fear retirement, but it can turn out be rather pleasant. "

" There is so much cross-pollination between the U.S. and Britain in terms of comedians. British TV comedies work well in the U.S. American stand-ups make it big in Britain. "

" It's pretty physically unsettling, living life on a visa. "

" There are some people who watch NASCAR for the highly skilled driving - but most people watch it for the crashes. "

" I'm not really much of an actor, so when I started on 'The Daily Show,' I was just trying to adopt the faux authority of a newsperson. Having a British accent definitely gave me a sonic leg up on that because there is a faux authority to the British accent in and of itself. "

" I can't relax. I find vacations problematic. "

" We invented words; we'll tell you how they're supposed to sound. "