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" Being an American is something I wanted to be for a very long time, probably since I saw the moon landing when I was a child. "

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" I come from a very critical culture. You know the Scots. They're always saying: 'Oh, no. It will never work. You'll never amount to anything. You've got to know your place in the world.' "

" I've started looking at my own father a bit funny. He assures me, though, that I really am the son of a Scottish postman. "

" You know, your whole life you're concerned about money for this and that. And then you don't have to worry about it, so you worry about other stuff. "

" If we are now holding late-night talk-show hosts to the same moral accountability as we hold politicians or clergymen, I'm out. I'm gone. "

" It's very interesting to know what people are doing while you're working on late-night television. "

" I don't see my show as a stepping stone to something else like some people, who get a job then have a foot out the door looking for their next job. "

" I dropped out of high school when I was 16, after I had a huge argument with my English teacher over the meaning of the word 'existentialism.' "

" I have no ambitions beyond being comfortable in what I do for a living - and earning a living. "

" There's just a feeling you get from certain things you do in life that just kind of feel pure and independent of what's actually, physically, going on. "

" A friend of mine that I was in a band with started me on Kafka, which in turn led to Camus and Sartre. "

" I just do my thing and try each show to be more honest about why I am and who I am. It's quite tricky and actually nerve-racking to do that. It's kind of a happy train wreck. "

" I think that clearly it has an influence, to be coming of age during the punk rock era, to come from a difficult and sporadically violent background, to have been in and out of such chaos, I think it actually helps. But I don't know for sure. "

" My pilot's license. I'm proud of that. "

" I'm not aware of having a creepy laugh, but apparently I do. "

" It's the beauty and curse of doing a daily show. Some days you've got nothing to talk about and other days Dick Cheney shoots his lawyer in the face and everyone is happy. "

" I try and live my life in bite-size chunks. "

" I think sometimes that people think brave means not being afraid, which of course it doesn't mean that at all. It means that you're afraid, but you move past that and do it anyway, do what you think is right. "

" I wanted to be a rock star. "

" The idea of having Australians upset at me is just awful. "

" I think comedy comes more from a low sense of self-esteem, and I certainly have that. "

" All they teach you in drama school is how to do stage fights and be a pain in rehearsals. "

" I proved to my own satisfaction that I am madder than I think. "

" If Scotland and America go to war, I'm afraid I've already sworn in. "

" The truth is, you win the Lotto. That's really how you have to approach it. You're a lottery winner when you get a sitcom and it goes. "

" For me, comedy should have a certain amount of joy in it. It should be about attacking the powerful - the politicians, the Trumps, the blowhards - going after them. We shouldn't be attacking the vulnerable. "

" Late night is no different than making a film, really, except that it's faster, and if you do a crap one, you can do a better one tomorrow. Writing a novel and doing stand-up - that stuff is very similar. "

" I think I'm just someone that just tries to get by. I'm kind of - if it was during the Second World War, I'd be a black marketeer, I think. "

" Other than the laws of physics, rules have never really worked out for me. "

" It's not that we fly by the seat of our pants. We're not afraid of failure. "

" I came to America, and I made good. It's an old story, but it hasn't been told in a long time. Usually, it's, 'I'm an immigrant, I came here and got persecuted.' My story is I came here, I worked hard, and it worked out all right. So it's still available. "