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" You know, your whole life you're concerned about money for this and that. And then you don't have to worry about it, so you worry about other stuff. "
" I think I'm just someone that just tries to get by. I'm kind of - if it was during the Second World War, I'd be a black marketeer, I think. "
" I'm careful with money. "
" I wanted to be a rock star. "
" I'm reading a book, because I'm brainy. No, it is a book - if you don't know, it is like a blog except bigger. "
" I said that the only way I could have a band that would work in the format of my show is if the band were crap. So if I have a band they'd have to really suck. "
" There's just a feeling you get from certain things you do in life that just kind of feel pure and independent of what's actually, physically, going on. "
" Being an American is something I wanted to be for a very long time, probably since I saw the moon landing when I was a child. "
" I used to psych myself up before the show and now I do the complete opposite: I psych myself down. It's 12:30 at night, you don't want some guy yelling at you. You want some guy just talking to you. "
" Late night is no different than making a film, really, except that it's faster, and if you do a crap one, you can do a better one tomorrow. Writing a novel and doing stand-up - that stuff is very similar. "
" HD doesn't mean anything to me. It's a technical thing. It's like demographics. A lot of people know about it. "
" It's the beauty and curse of doing a daily show. Some days you've got nothing to talk about and other days Dick Cheney shoots his lawyer in the face and everyone is happy. "
" They were singing, Gillette, the best a man can get, with a lot of guys hugging their fathers and sailing and riding bikes. I suddenly felt a long way from the best a man could get and I thought it would be nice to get from there to the best. "
" I don't know now if I'm funny. I just keep talking and hope that I hit something that's funny. "
" I've been running my whole life. Running into bars, running around the world. But when you have a child, you can't run. That was a revelation. "
" My pilot's license. I'm proud of that. "
" I aim to please. I'm nothing if not a vaudevillian. "
" Scotland is a much lighter and more fun place than I thought it was. I was miserable when I was there. But it wasn't Scotland's fault. It was my circumstances. I was - I hate to say the word humbled - but that's what it felt like. I was wrong about this place. This is a great place full of very fun people. "
" The wedding took place in Vermont, where they have legalized gay civil unions, and I married a woman. "
" Why do people do things that they fear? It may be that the fear contains information. Something can be interesting if you get to the other side of that fear. "
" I don't get emails from my corporate overlords. "
" Is it really that important? It's just television, for God's sake. It's not medicine or something. "
" The truth is, you win the Lotto. That's really how you have to approach it. You're a lottery winner when you get a sitcom and it goes. "
" The idea of having Australians upset at me is just awful. "
" I'm not aware of having a creepy laugh, but apparently I do. "
" A lot of people come to L.A. looking for something. What I came here for, I realize now, is to be okay with myself. "
" I have to do a show which is of interest to me, or else I'm lost. "
" I've started looking at my own father a bit funny. He assures me, though, that I really am the son of a Scottish postman. "
" I just do my thing and try each show to be more honest about why I am and who I am. It's quite tricky and actually nerve-racking to do that. It's kind of a happy train wreck. "
" It's not that we fly by the seat of our pants. We're not afraid of failure. "
" A friend of mine that I was in a band with started me on Kafka, which in turn led to Camus and Sartre. "