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" You know, your whole life you're concerned about money for this and that. And then you don't have to worry about it, so you worry about other stuff. "
Craig Ferguson
Money
Know
You
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" I come from a very critical culture. You know the Scots. They're always saying: 'Oh, no. It will never work. You'll never amount to anything. You've got to know your place in the world.' "
Craig Ferguson
World
Culture
Place
" I proved to my own satisfaction that I am madder than I think. "
Craig Ferguson
Own
Think
I Am
" If we are now holding late-night talk-show hosts to the same moral accountability as we hold politicians or clergymen, I'm out. I'm gone. "
Craig Ferguson
Accountability
Moral
Now
" I've got young kids, so it suits me to do a job which keeps me in town right now. "
Craig Ferguson
Young
Right
Me
" I am reasonably happy. I didn't find Jesus or anything like that. Part of it is that I just feel that I could go home. I did not feel like that for a long time, but I could go back now. "
Craig Ferguson
Home
I Am
Long Time
" I don't know now if I'm funny. I just keep talking and hope that I hit something that's funny. "
Craig Ferguson
Talking
Now
Know
" I dropped out of high school when I was 16, after I had a huge argument with my English teacher over the meaning of the word 'existentialism.' "
Craig Ferguson
High School
Teacher
School
" I said that the only way I could have a band that would work in the format of my show is if the band were crap. So if I have a band they'd have to really suck. "
Craig Ferguson
Band
Way
Work
" The truth is, you win the Lotto. That's really how you have to approach it. You're a lottery winner when you get a sitcom and it goes. "
Craig Ferguson
Truth Is
You
Winner
" I don't get emails from my corporate overlords. "
Craig Ferguson
Get
Corporate
Emails
" I came to America, and I made good. It's an old story, but it hasn't been told in a long time. Usually, it's, 'I'm an immigrant, I came here and got persecuted.' My story is I came here, I worked hard, and it worked out all right. So it's still available. "
Craig Ferguson
Good
America
Right
" I think sometimes that people think brave means not being afraid, which of course it doesn't mean that at all. It means that you're afraid, but you move past that and do it anyway, do what you think is right. "
Craig Ferguson
People
Right
Think
" For me, comedy should have a certain amount of joy in it. It should be about attacking the powerful - the politicians, the Trumps, the blowhards - going after them. We shouldn't be attacking the vulnerable. "
Craig Ferguson
Politicians
Joy
Powerful
" I've started looking at my own father a bit funny. He assures me, though, that I really am the son of a Scottish postman. "
Craig Ferguson
My Own
Looking
Father
" I'm reading a book, because I'm brainy. No, it is a book - if you don't know, it is like a blog except bigger. "
Craig Ferguson
Know
Brainy
You
" I think that clearly it has an influence, to be coming of age during the punk rock era, to come from a difficult and sporadically violent background, to have been in and out of such chaos, I think it actually helps. But I don't know for sure. "
Craig Ferguson
Know
Chaos
Rock
" All they teach you in drama school is how to do stage fights and be a pain in rehearsals. "
Craig Ferguson
Stage
School
Pain
" I'm not aware of having a creepy laugh, but apparently I do. "
Craig Ferguson
Aware
Laugh
Having
" They were singing, Gillette, the best a man can get, with a lot of guys hugging their fathers and sailing and riding bikes. I suddenly felt a long way from the best a man could get and I thought it would be nice to get from there to the best. "
Craig Ferguson
Thought
Best
Long
" I just do my thing and try each show to be more honest about why I am and who I am. It's quite tricky and actually nerve-racking to do that. It's kind of a happy train wreck. "
Craig Ferguson
Honest
Happy
Try
" I remember talking to someone early on after I was sober about how I suddenly felt awkward at parties. They said, 'Well, you're supposed to. Everyone feels awkward at parties.' It's an appropriate feeling to feel. "
Craig Ferguson
Early
Remember
Feeling
" Scotland is a much lighter and more fun place than I thought it was. I was miserable when I was there. But it wasn't Scotland's fault. It was my circumstances. I was - I hate to say the word humbled - but that's what it felt like. I was wrong about this place. This is a great place full of very fun people. "
Craig Ferguson
Thought
Fun
Great
" I've been running my whole life. Running into bars, running around the world. But when you have a child, you can't run. That was a revelation. "
Craig Ferguson
Child
Life
You
" Being an American is something I wanted to be for a very long time, probably since I saw the moon landing when I was a child. "
Craig Ferguson
Time
Moon
Being
" It's the beauty and curse of doing a daily show. Some days you've got nothing to talk about and other days Dick Cheney shoots his lawyer in the face and everyone is happy. "
Craig Ferguson
Face
Beauty
Daily
" There's just a feeling you get from certain things you do in life that just kind of feel pure and independent of what's actually, physically, going on. "
Craig Ferguson
Pure
Life
Kind
" It's like, it's kind of like if you ever had a car and it was a bit of a clunker but you love it, that's my show. It's a bit of a clunker but I know where everything is and I like it. "
Craig Ferguson
Everything
Car
Kind
" I aim to please. I'm nothing if not a vaudevillian. "
Craig Ferguson
Nothing
Aim
Please
" I think I'm just someone that just tries to get by. I'm kind of - if it was during the Second World War, I'd be a black marketeer, I think. "
Craig Ferguson
Kind
Black
Think
" It's very interesting to know what people are doing while you're working on late-night television. "
Craig Ferguson
People
Know
You