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" The truth is, you win the Lotto. That's really how you have to approach it. You're a lottery winner when you get a sitcom and it goes. "

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" I think that clearly it has an influence, to be coming of age during the punk rock era, to come from a difficult and sporadically violent background, to have been in and out of such chaos, I think it actually helps. But I don't know for sure. "

" Don't ever rope me in as a late-night talk show host. I don't want to be one. "

" Historically, when Americans don't know what to do next, they go to Paris. Benjamin Franklin is like: 'What am I going to do now? I'll go to Paris!' "

" It's very interesting to know what people are doing while you're working on late-night television. "

" If we are now holding late-night talk-show hosts to the same moral accountability as we hold politicians or clergymen, I'm out. I'm gone. "

" Scotland is a much lighter and more fun place than I thought it was. I was miserable when I was there. But it wasn't Scotland's fault. It was my circumstances. I was - I hate to say the word humbled - but that's what it felt like. I was wrong about this place. This is a great place full of very fun people. "

" It's not that we fly by the seat of our pants. We're not afraid of failure. "

" I try and live my life in bite-size chunks. "

" I've been running my whole life. Running into bars, running around the world. But when you have a child, you can't run. That was a revelation. "

" I hope what I do has an art to it, and as an artist you have to try new things and keep yourself entertained. "

" Other than the laws of physics, rules have never really worked out for me. "

" I'm crazy. I know I'm crazy 'cause Desmond Tutu told me, and he's very clever. He said, 'You must free yourself, be more of who you are. Be more crazy.' And I'm going to. "

" I came to America, and I made good. It's an old story, but it hasn't been told in a long time. Usually, it's, 'I'm an immigrant, I came here and got persecuted.' My story is I came here, I worked hard, and it worked out all right. So it's still available. "

" I realized women and humor were linked very closely. "

" They were singing, Gillette, the best a man can get, with a lot of guys hugging their fathers and sailing and riding bikes. I suddenly felt a long way from the best a man could get and I thought it would be nice to get from there to the best. "

" I am probably a pseudo-intellectual. "

" When I stopped drinking, it was only because I thought if I don't stop, I'm going to die. "

" I used to believe, like many people who come from poor backgrounds, that it gave me an edge, but I think that's just something we have to tell ourselves to get by sometimes. I don't believe that anymore. Children of privilege can be just as talented and clever as anybody else. "

" I don't know now if I'm funny. I just keep talking and hope that I hit something that's funny. "

" A lot of people come to L.A. looking for something. What I came here for, I realize now, is to be okay with myself. "

" The wedding took place in Vermont, where they have legalized gay civil unions, and I married a woman. "

" When I went out on tour as Bing Hitler I would hook up with Lenny and we'd get drunk together. He was always very supportive. He was a big star and a lot of what he said to me had power and impact. Apart from that, I just like him. "

" My pilot's license. I'm proud of that. "

" I wanted to be a rock star. "

" You know, your whole life you're concerned about money for this and that. And then you don't have to worry about it, so you worry about other stuff. "

" I'm reading a book, because I'm brainy. No, it is a book - if you don't know, it is like a blog except bigger. "

" Is it really that important? It's just television, for God's sake. It's not medicine or something. "

" Being an American is something I wanted to be for a very long time, probably since I saw the moon landing when I was a child. "

" I have no ambitions beyond being comfortable in what I do for a living - and earning a living. "

" I said that the only way I could have a band that would work in the format of my show is if the band were crap. So if I have a band they'd have to really suck. "