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" My pilot's license. I'm proud of that. "

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" I realized women and humor were linked very closely. "

" Why do people do things that they fear? It may be that the fear contains information. Something can be interesting if you get to the other side of that fear. "

" Being an American is something I wanted to be for a very long time, probably since I saw the moon landing when I was a child. "

" All they teach you in drama school is how to do stage fights and be a pain in rehearsals. "

" There's just a feeling you get from certain things you do in life that just kind of feel pure and independent of what's actually, physically, going on. "

" I'm reading a book, because I'm brainy. No, it is a book - if you don't know, it is like a blog except bigger. "

" I dropped out of high school when I was 16, after I had a huge argument with my English teacher over the meaning of the word 'existentialism.' "

" I'm a terrible interviewer. I'm not a journalist - although I have a Peabody Award - and I'm not really a late-night host. What I am is honest. "

" I am reasonably happy. I didn't find Jesus or anything like that. Part of it is that I just feel that I could go home. I did not feel like that for a long time, but I could go back now. "

" When I went out on tour as Bing Hitler I would hook up with Lenny and we'd get drunk together. He was always very supportive. He was a big star and a lot of what he said to me had power and impact. Apart from that, I just like him. "

" I have to do a show which is of interest to me, or else I'm lost. "

" I got sober. I stopped killing myself with alcohol. I began to think: 'Wait a minute - if I can stop doing this, what are the possibilities?' And slowly it dawned on me that it was maybe worth the risk. "

" I have no ambitions beyond being comfortable in what I do for a living - and earning a living. "

" I remember talking to someone early on after I was sober about how I suddenly felt awkward at parties. They said, 'Well, you're supposed to. Everyone feels awkward at parties.' It's an appropriate feeling to feel. "

" I said that the only way I could have a band that would work in the format of my show is if the band were crap. So if I have a band they'd have to really suck. "

" A friend of mine that I was in a band with started me on Kafka, which in turn led to Camus and Sartre. "

" I'm crazy. I know I'm crazy 'cause Desmond Tutu told me, and he's very clever. He said, 'You must free yourself, be more of who you are. Be more crazy.' And I'm going to. "

" HD doesn't mean anything to me. It's a technical thing. It's like demographics. A lot of people know about it. "

" I aim to please. I'm nothing if not a vaudevillian. "

" I hope what I do has an art to it, and as an artist you have to try new things and keep yourself entertained. "

" I do a show. It comes on late at night on TV. And if that means I'm a late-night talk show host, then I guess I am, but in every other regard I resign my commission, I don't care for it. "

" A lot of people come to L.A. looking for something. What I came here for, I realize now, is to be okay with myself. "

" I used to believe, like many people who come from poor backgrounds, that it gave me an edge, but I think that's just something we have to tell ourselves to get by sometimes. I don't believe that anymore. Children of privilege can be just as talented and clever as anybody else. "

" I don't know now if I'm funny. I just keep talking and hope that I hit something that's funny. "

" I don't see my show as a stepping stone to something else like some people, who get a job then have a foot out the door looking for their next job. "

" I always wanted to make motion pictures, ever since I was a wee boy, and I was 32, and time was marching on. I met a guy who said, 'Come out to Hollywood for 10 days, and I'll get you a deal.' So I figured, 'OK, 10 days.' On the 10th day, he got me a development deal with Disney, not for a lot of money, but it allowed me to make the move. "

" I think that clearly it has an influence, to be coming of age during the punk rock era, to come from a difficult and sporadically violent background, to have been in and out of such chaos, I think it actually helps. But I don't know for sure. "

" I've got young kids, so it suits me to do a job which keeps me in town right now. "

" For me, comedy should have a certain amount of joy in it. It should be about attacking the powerful - the politicians, the Trumps, the blowhards - going after them. We shouldn't be attacking the vulnerable. "

" The wedding took place in Vermont, where they have legalized gay civil unions, and I married a woman. "