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All Quotes by author - Craig Ferguson

" A friend of mine that I was in a band with started me on Kafka, which in turn led to Camus and Sartre. "

" All they teach you in drama school is how to do stage fights and be a pain in rehearsals. "

" A lot of people come to L.A. looking for something. What I came here for, I realize now, is to be okay with myself. "

" Being an American is something I wanted to be for a very long time, probably since I saw the moon landing when I was a child. "

" Don't ever rope me in as a late-night talk show host. I don't want to be one. "

" For me, comedy should have a certain amount of joy in it. It should be about attacking the powerful - the politicians, the Trumps, the blowhards - going after them. We shouldn't be attacking the vulnerable. "

" HD doesn't mean anything to me. It's a technical thing. It's like demographics. A lot of people know about it. "

" Historically, when Americans don't know what to do next, they go to Paris. Benjamin Franklin is like: 'What am I going to do now? I'll go to Paris!' "

" I aim to please. I'm nothing if not a vaudevillian. "

" I always wanted to make motion pictures, ever since I was a wee boy, and I was 32, and time was marching on. I met a guy who said, 'Come out to Hollywood for 10 days, and I'll get you a deal.' So I figured, 'OK, 10 days.' On the 10th day, he got me a development deal with Disney, not for a lot of money, but it allowed me to make the move. "

" I am probably a pseudo-intellectual. "

" I am reasonably happy. I didn't find Jesus or anything like that. Part of it is that I just feel that I could go home. I did not feel like that for a long time, but I could go back now. "

" I came to America, and I made good. It's an old story, but it hasn't been told in a long time. Usually, it's, 'I'm an immigrant, I came here and got persecuted.' My story is I came here, I worked hard, and it worked out all right. So it's still available. "

" I come from a very critical culture. You know the Scots. They're always saying: 'Oh, no. It will never work. You'll never amount to anything. You've got to know your place in the world.' "

" I do a show. It comes on late at night on TV. And if that means I'm a late-night talk show host, then I guess I am, but in every other regard I resign my commission, I don't care for it. "

" I don't get emails from my corporate overlords. "

" I don't know now if I'm funny. I just keep talking and hope that I hit something that's funny. "

" I don't see my show as a stepping stone to something else like some people, who get a job then have a foot out the door looking for their next job. "

" I dropped out of high school when I was 16, after I had a huge argument with my English teacher over the meaning of the word 'existentialism.' "

" If Scotland and America go to war, I'm afraid I've already sworn in. "

" If we are now holding late-night talk-show hosts to the same moral accountability as we hold politicians or clergymen, I'm out. I'm gone. "

" I got sober. I stopped killing myself with alcohol. I began to think: 'Wait a minute - if I can stop doing this, what are the possibilities?' And slowly it dawned on me that it was maybe worth the risk. "

" I have no ambitions beyond being comfortable in what I do for a living - and earning a living. "

" I have to do a show which is of interest to me, or else I'm lost. "

" I hope what I do has an art to it, and as an artist you have to try new things and keep yourself entertained. "

" I just do my thing and try each show to be more honest about why I am and who I am. It's quite tricky and actually nerve-racking to do that. It's kind of a happy train wreck. "

" I'm a terrible interviewer. I'm not a journalist - although I have a Peabody Award - and I'm not really a late-night host. What I am is honest. "

" I'm careful with money. "

" I'm crazy. I know I'm crazy 'cause Desmond Tutu told me, and he's very clever. He said, 'You must free yourself, be more of who you are. Be more crazy.' And I'm going to. "

" I'm not aware of having a creepy laugh, but apparently I do. "

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