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" All they teach you in drama school is how to do stage fights and be a pain in rehearsals. "
Craig Ferguson
Stage
School
Pain
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" I hope what I do has an art to it, and as an artist you have to try new things and keep yourself entertained. "
Craig Ferguson
Art
New Things
Hope
" I remember talking to someone early on after I was sober about how I suddenly felt awkward at parties. They said, 'Well, you're supposed to. Everyone feels awkward at parties.' It's an appropriate feeling to feel. "
Craig Ferguson
Early
Remember
Feeling
" I aim to please. I'm nothing if not a vaudevillian. "
Craig Ferguson
Nothing
Aim
Please
" It's very interesting to know what people are doing while you're working on late-night television. "
Craig Ferguson
People
Know
You
" A friend of mine that I was in a band with started me on Kafka, which in turn led to Camus and Sartre. "
Craig Ferguson
Friend
Started
Mine
" If we are now holding late-night talk-show hosts to the same moral accountability as we hold politicians or clergymen, I'm out. I'm gone. "
Craig Ferguson
Accountability
Moral
Now
" I don't know now if I'm funny. I just keep talking and hope that I hit something that's funny. "
Craig Ferguson
Talking
Now
Know
" There's just a feeling you get from certain things you do in life that just kind of feel pure and independent of what's actually, physically, going on. "
Craig Ferguson
Pure
Life
Kind
" I used to believe, like many people who come from poor backgrounds, that it gave me an edge, but I think that's just something we have to tell ourselves to get by sometimes. I don't believe that anymore. Children of privilege can be just as talented and clever as anybody else. "
Craig Ferguson
Me
People
Children
" I realized women and humor were linked very closely. "
Craig Ferguson
Humor
Were
Women
" Being an American is something I wanted to be for a very long time, probably since I saw the moon landing when I was a child. "
Craig Ferguson
Time
Moon
Being
" I do a show. It comes on late at night on TV. And if that means I'm a late-night talk show host, then I guess I am, but in every other regard I resign my commission, I don't care for it. "
Craig Ferguson
Talk
Care
I Am
" When I went out on tour as Bing Hitler I would hook up with Lenny and we'd get drunk together. He was always very supportive. He was a big star and a lot of what he said to me had power and impact. Apart from that, I just like him. "
Craig Ferguson
Drunk
Together
Me
" Don't ever rope me in as a late-night talk show host. I don't want to be one. "
Craig Ferguson
Me
Talk
Want
" It's the beauty and curse of doing a daily show. Some days you've got nothing to talk about and other days Dick Cheney shoots his lawyer in the face and everyone is happy. "
Craig Ferguson
Face
Beauty
Daily
" It's not that we fly by the seat of our pants. We're not afraid of failure. "
Craig Ferguson
Afraid
Failure
Fly
" Historically, when Americans don't know what to do next, they go to Paris. Benjamin Franklin is like: 'What am I going to do now? I'll go to Paris!' "
Craig Ferguson
Go
Paris
Now
" I got sober. I stopped killing myself with alcohol. I began to think: 'Wait a minute - if I can stop doing this, what are the possibilities?' And slowly it dawned on me that it was maybe worth the risk. "
Craig Ferguson
Myself
Alcohol
Doing
" Is it really that important? It's just television, for God's sake. It's not medicine or something. "
Craig Ferguson
Medicine
Television
Important
" HD doesn't mean anything to me. It's a technical thing. It's like demographics. A lot of people know about it. "
Craig Ferguson
Mean
Anything
Know
" I have no ambitions beyond being comfortable in what I do for a living - and earning a living. "
Craig Ferguson
Living
Earning
Comfortable
" I'm a terrible interviewer. I'm not a journalist - although I have a Peabody Award - and I'm not really a late-night host. What I am is honest. "
Craig Ferguson
I Am
Late-Night
Host
" I've been running my whole life. Running into bars, running around the world. But when you have a child, you can't run. That was a revelation. "
Craig Ferguson
Child
Life
You
" I dropped out of high school when I was 16, after I had a huge argument with my English teacher over the meaning of the word 'existentialism.' "
Craig Ferguson
High School
Teacher
School
" I just do my thing and try each show to be more honest about why I am and who I am. It's quite tricky and actually nerve-racking to do that. It's kind of a happy train wreck. "
Craig Ferguson
Honest
Happy
Try
" Other than the laws of physics, rules have never really worked out for me. "
Craig Ferguson
Physics
Rules
Laws
" I have to do a show which is of interest to me, or else I'm lost. "
Craig Ferguson
Interest
Show
Else
" A lot of people come to L.A. looking for something. What I came here for, I realize now, is to be okay with myself. "
Craig Ferguson
People
Myself
Realize
" I'm not aware of having a creepy laugh, but apparently I do. "
Craig Ferguson
Aware
Laugh
Having
" I don't get emails from my corporate overlords. "
Craig Ferguson
Get
Corporate
Emails