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" Remorse is a violent dyspepsia of the mind. "
Ogden Nash
Mind
Remorse
Violent
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" Do you think my mind is maturing late, or simply rotted early? "
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" To keep your marriage brimming, With love in the loving cup, Whenever you're wrong, admit it; Whenever you're right, shut up. "
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" There are people who are very resourceful, at being remorseful, and who apparently feel that the best way to make friends is to do something terrible and then make amends. "
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" No, you never get any fun out of the things you haven't done. "
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" Middle age is when you've met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else. "
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People
" I do not like to get the news, because there has never been an era when so many things were going so right for so many of the wrong persons. "
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" There is only one way to achieve happiness on this terrestrial ball, and that is to have either a clear conscience or none at all. "
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" I hope my tongue in prune juice smothers, If I belittle dogs and mothers. "
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Juice
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Hope
" Every Englishman is convinced of one thing, viz.: That to be an Englishman is to belong to the most exclusive club there is. "
Ogden Nash
One Thing
Exclusive
Most
" Some debts are fun when you are acquiring them, but none are fun when you set about retiring them. "
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None
Some
Fun
" A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold. "
Ogden Nash
Children
Animal
Family
" I think that I shall never see a billboard lovely as a tree. Perhaps, unless the billboards fall, I'll never see a tree at all. "
Ogden Nash
Think
Fall
Lovely
" If you don't want to work you have to work to earn enough money so that you won't have to work. "
Ogden Nash
You
Earn
Enough
" Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore, and that's what parents were created for. "
Ogden Nash
Were
Ignore
Parents
" I claim there ain't Another Saint As great as Valentine. "
Ogden Nash
Great
Saint
Valentine
" People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up. "
Ogden Nash
Work
Standing
People
" Every New Year is the direct descendant, isn't it, of a long line of proven criminals? "
Ogden Nash
New
Long
Direct
" Women would rather be right than reasonable. "
Ogden Nash
Reasonable
Women
Rather
" Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, but it's very funny - Did you ever try buying them without money? "
Ogden Nash
Try
Money
Funny
" Parents were invented to make children happy by giving them something to ignore. "
Ogden Nash
Parenting
Parents
Children
" People who have what they want are fond of telling people who haven't what they want that they really don't want it. "
Ogden Nash
Want
Telling
Really
" Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker. "
Ogden Nash
Liquor
Quicker
Candy
" The most exciting happiness is the happiness generated by forces beyond your control. "
Ogden Nash
Control
Most
Happiness
" The bed is a bundle of paradoxes: we go to it with reluctance, yet we quit it with regret; we make up our minds every night to leave it early, but we make up our bodies every morning to keep it late. "
Ogden Nash
Early
Bed
Morning
" A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of. "
Ogden Nash
Side
Wrong
Door
" Commitments the voters don't know about can't hurt you. "
Ogden Nash
Know
Voters
You
" The cow is of the bovine ilk; one end is moo, the other milk. "
Ogden Nash
Other
Cow
End
" One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence. "
Ogden Nash
Remorse
Man
Another
" I would live all my life in nonchalance and insouciance, Were it not for making a living, which is rather a nouciance. "
Ogden Nash
Live
Rather
My Life
" Happiness is having a scratch for every itch. "
Ogden Nash
Every
Having
Itch