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" Things can be tough even when surrounded by nice Pottery Barn stuff. "

Emily V. Gordon

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" When we each focus on being the dominant force in our own universe rather than invading other universes, we all win. "

Emily V. Gordon

" Women compete, compare, undermine, and undercut one another - at least, that is the prevailing notion of how we interact. "

Emily V. Gordon

" I'd watch shows like 'The Kids in the Hall' or 'Twin Peaks,' and I'd see weird people being celebrated and appreciated without compromising their weirdness. On 'The Facts of Life,' I'd see girls who were pudgy, beautiful, popular, tomboyish - many ways of being female - and I'd feel quietly reassured. "

Emily V. Gordon

" In my experience as a therapist and as a friend, it seems that the majority of the breakup resources available are for women and not men. Women, who tend to be more vocal about their emotional struggles, are the squeaky wheel that gets the grease from friends, from online communities, from books, and from therapeutic approaches. "

Emily V. Gordon

" As any daytime judge show can tell you, spending someone's money or taking their stuff because they hurt your feelings is not justified. "

Emily V. Gordon

" Dealing with wedding stuff is a bit of a double-edged sword - it seems that divorcees are expected to either burn it all on the front lawn, tears silently coursing down their faces, or keep the stuff, shrine-like, concealed somewhere in their homes. "

Emily V. Gordon

" It's easy to isolate yourself when you're buried in work, or to rely only on work friends for empathy. And while your work friends will always 'get it' more than your life partner, they don't know how to comfort you like your partner does. "

Emily V. Gordon

" Your wedding day is supposed to be your big day, and yet a lot of engaged couples find that instead of creating an event that will be important to them, they're dodging through a minefield of modern etiquette traps. "

Emily V. Gordon

" Women are encouraged to go on an emotional journey of self-care after a divorce, while men are expected to need help learning how to cook and parent on their own. "

Emily V. Gordon

" Sometimes new spouses don't fully process the commitment they've made until after the deal is done, and then they panic. "

Emily V. Gordon

" Sometimes we put so much effort into things we're doing, like dating or wedding planning, that we don't stop to think about whether or not we even want the results of that effort. "

Emily V. Gordon

" After my divorce, I took some time off from having a romantic life to begin the tough work of figuring out where I'd gone wrong and what on Earth I could do to understand how to be a whole person in a relationship. "

Emily V. Gordon

" Marriage isn't just about two people who fit together well. It's about two people who figure out how to fit together well. "

Emily V. Gordon

" I'm a mental-health advocate big time, so I think it's great when depression is a thing that's discussed out in the open, because it's still way too stigmatized. "

Emily V. Gordon

" Cheating is very rarely about the actual act of being with another person. "

Emily V. Gordon

" A lot of new stepparents fall into the trap of letting children disobey household expectations in order to gain favor with them. "

Emily V. Gordon

" I am fairly convinced that people plan destination weddings because they would actually like to elope but want to have given you the option to attend. "

Emily V. Gordon

" Not deciding is a decision. People don't realize that not making a decision is a decision in itself. "

Emily V. Gordon

" Divorce is one of the most destructive, emotionally traumatic experiences a human being can go through, no matter if you're the instigator or the recipient. It's hard, and it hurts, and it takes a long time to feel normal again. "

Emily V. Gordon

" Ghosts of Marriages Past can haunt many aspects of a new relationship - your expectations of what a man should do, how you behave in conflict, your ideas of how commitment should look - they can even make your new man look untrustworthy when he's really behaving normally. "

Emily V. Gordon

" Don't sacrifice alone time with your spouse just because the kids seem needy. A united front requires adult time alone, so put it in the calendar and make it a priority. A house cannot stand on a shaky foundation. "

Emily V. Gordon

" Experiences don't make us damaged goods; it's what we do with those experiences that matters. "

Emily V. Gordon

" If you don't simply communicate with your spouse what household tasks you would like them to do, you are setting yourself up to be angry. "

Emily V. Gordon

" There's nothing like listening to the drone of QVC's always-bubbly pitchwomen, as they try to move loose-fitting tunics with 'just the right amount of sparkle,' to soothe you into a healing slumber. "

Emily V. Gordon

" Men - not all men but a good majority of the ones I have known and worked with - tend to think of difficult situations in their lives as problems that need to be solved. "

Emily V. Gordon

" Love is a good thing. "

Emily V. Gordon

" Sacrificing your relationship for your career sounds noble and romantic from the outside, but the reality is that it can create a pattern of self-destruction that will ultimately burn you out on the career you've worked so hard to build. It's a trap and, for some, an easy way out of having to maintain relationships under stress. "

Emily V. Gordon

" People get married for a wide array of reasons and have all sorts of expectations of how marriage will change the relationship. And while it's true that turning the person you're dating into a legal partner does affect certain things, those who expect marriage to be a cure-all for all your relationship woes are sorely mistaken. "

Emily V. Gordon

" No matter how you handle alcohol at your wedding, you will most likely be upsetting someone. "

Emily V. Gordon

" I haven't always been the best advocate for my own body. I was a too-tall, pudgy child who felt completely out of control of the genetic lottery ticket she'd been given, so in retaliation, I shut down. I ignored my body and hated it for not being tiny and cute like my friends' bodies. "

Emily V. Gordon