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" You're not a victim of your divorce. What you decide to do with yourself and your personal life after your marriage ends is your decision, and completely under your control. "
Emily V. Gordon
Life
Marriage
You
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" A lot of people end up getting married more out of expectation than out of passion for each other, but if your options have ever been, 'We either get married or break up,' be careful. Marriage should be a new addition you add to the house that is your relationship, not the structure you impose on the house once it's already built. "
Emily V. Gordon
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" For so long, TV consisted of a limited number of shows a year, and those shows had to appeal to as many people as possible. The joy of TV now is that shows don't have to be broad anymore - they can be small, weird, and niche. "
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" I am fairly convinced that people plan destination weddings because they would actually like to elope but want to have given you the option to attend. "
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" Holiday food is rich and indulgent. Going-home-to-see-family food is richer and even more indulgent. "
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" I don't remember being put into the coma, but I do have a lot of weird memories from being under. This may be because I was in a coma via medicine rather than trauma. That time period played out for me as one long rambling dream where I was at a hospital to visit my boyfriend, who I thought was in an accident. "
Emily V. Gordon
Medicine
Time
Thought
" Post-divorce, the world can feel harsh and full of jagged edges. "
Emily V. Gordon
Full
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World
" It's absolutely amazing to me that anyone allowed their children to watch 'The Ren & Stimpy Show' in the '90s; it's dark, gross, nihilistic, and absolutely bizarre. "
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Show
Watch
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" Experiences don't make us damaged goods; it's what we do with those experiences that matters. "
Emily V. Gordon
Make
Matters
Us
" I grew up in a very small town in North Carolina, weird and pudgy, without too many other kids to play with. I spent a lot of time watching TV. It was my reassurance that the outside world was bigger and more colorful than the one I lived in. "
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World
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Time
" Without knowing your own history, you are doomed to repeat it. "
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" Divorce is one of the most destructive, emotionally traumatic experiences a human being can go through, no matter if you're the instigator or the recipient. It's hard, and it hurts, and it takes a long time to feel normal again. "
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Long Time
Long
Divorce
" There's nothing like listening to the drone of QVC's always-bubbly pitchwomen, as they try to move loose-fitting tunics with 'just the right amount of sparkle,' to soothe you into a healing slumber. "
Emily V. Gordon
Try
Nothing
Listening
" Love is a good thing. "
Emily V. Gordon
Love
A Good Thing
Love Is
" Keeping physical items from the past is important - we keep old toys, grandparents' jewelry, yearbooks, dance recital programs - and we assign meaning to them. Those items become the memories, and that's a very healthy thing to do. The problems occur when we have too many of those sentimental items, and they start weighing us down. "
Emily V. Gordon
Past
Dance
Problems
" People get married for a wide array of reasons and have all sorts of expectations of how marriage will change the relationship. And while it's true that turning the person you're dating into a legal partner does affect certain things, those who expect marriage to be a cure-all for all your relationship woes are sorely mistaken. "
Emily V. Gordon
Marriage
Dating
Change
" It's easy to isolate yourself when you're buried in work, or to rely only on work friends for empathy. And while your work friends will always 'get it' more than your life partner, they don't know how to comfort you like your partner does. "
Emily V. Gordon
Work
Partner
Life
" I have multiple tattoos. "
Emily V. Gordon
Multiple
Tattoos
" You didn't have to know anything about show business to appreciate the characters' humor, because at its heart, 'Party Down' was about following dreams, dealing with rejection, and surviving all the lame jobs we've all had to work just to get by in the meantime. "
Emily V. Gordon
Dreams
Work
Heart
" I definitely think, when you're a teenager, it's more forgiving to talk to strangers and go up to people at a mall or whatever. "
Emily V. Gordon
Think
You
Go
" 'The Babadook,' written and directed by a woman, is a gorgeously told female-focused story of grief, longing, loneliness, and what mourning can become. "
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Become
Woman
Grief
" Women compete, compare, undermine, and undercut one another - at least, that is the prevailing notion of how we interact. "
Emily V. Gordon
Compete
Women
Undermine
" Things can be tough even when surrounded by nice Pottery Barn stuff. "
Emily V. Gordon
Barn
Nice
Surrounded
" We all have an idea of how we like to be treated that we would like others to adhere to, and somehow we've gotten in our heads that the perfect person for us will just know what this code of behavior is. "
Emily V. Gordon
Know
Person
Perfect
" Do remember to pick your battles when you start parenting your stepchildren. "
Emily V. Gordon
Parenting
You
Start
" In my experience as a therapist and as a friend, it seems that the majority of the breakup resources available are for women and not men. Women, who tend to be more vocal about their emotional struggles, are the squeaky wheel that gets the grease from friends, from online communities, from books, and from therapeutic approaches. "
Emily V. Gordon
Men
Friends
Experience
" If you don't simply communicate with your spouse what household tasks you would like them to do, you are setting yourself up to be angry. "
Emily V. Gordon
Yourself
Like
Angry
" I'd watch shows like 'The Kids in the Hall' or 'Twin Peaks,' and I'd see weird people being celebrated and appreciated without compromising their weirdness. On 'The Facts of Life,' I'd see girls who were pudgy, beautiful, popular, tomboyish - many ways of being female - and I'd feel quietly reassured. "
Emily V. Gordon
People
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Beautiful
" After my divorce, I took some time off from having a romantic life to begin the tough work of figuring out where I'd gone wrong and what on Earth I could do to understand how to be a whole person in a relationship. "
Emily V. Gordon
Romantic
Time
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" If you've had a marriage that ended because of a betrayal in trust on your spouse's behalf, the idea of trusting another person with your heart can seem completely ridiculous. "
Emily V. Gordon
Marriage
Trust
You
" In some cases, newlyweds want so badly for things to be perfect that they ignore warning signs, both in themselves and each other. "
Emily V. Gordon
Perfect
Warning
Ignore