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" I could still eat a cheeseburger if I wanted to. I just can't have them every day. "

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" I was in the band when I was a kid, I played the trumpet. "

" I work with a place in Santa Monica called Phase IV. My doctor recommended them to me when I started losing weight. They help people train for things like triathlons or biking and running races. They offer physical therapists, testing, lectures. "

" Hollywood people are filled with guilt: white guilt, liberal guilt, money guilt. They feel bad that they're so rich, they feel they don't work that much for all that money - and they don't, for the amount of money they make. "

" International soccer has been a big part of my love for the sport. I love the Men's National Team. I can say that they're my favorite sports team. "

" I always run in the morning on an empty stomach, and I'll go through a bottle and a half of water. Then I have a protein drink or I eat egg whites. "

" I'm the kind of person that likes what I'm doing when I'm doing it. "

" That's the great thing about having your friends around you. I've known these guys forever. I really enjoy their company just as people. You couldn't ask for a better work environment. "

" I don't know what people are going to think of my stand-up. If you only know me from 'The Price Is Right' and 'The Drew Carey Show,' then you might be a little bit shocked. I'm a little dirty and a little opinionated but all in fun. "

" Exercise is the main thing that helped me lose weight. "

" The hardest diet I was ever on was the one when I was fat. You can only wear fat clothes, you don't feel good, your sex life gets damaged, you don't have energy for anything. It's horrible. "

" I love the normalcy of Cleveland. There's regular people there. "

" I learned how to believe in myself. Learned how to set goals, you know, self help books man. I just read every single one I can get a hold of, and I still do. "

" Libertarians are essentially what the Republicans were 30 years ago. Abraham Lincoln, Teddy Roosevelt, Richard Nixon, Ronald Reagan. They'd all fit more under the Libertarian label than the modern day Republican label. "

" The Marines was a fresh start - that is why they shave your head. I wish they would let you change your name. "

" People laugh to forget their troubles, and to forget their troubles they like to look at people who aren't doing better than they are. "

" There's nothing like the energy in a small comedy club room or a small theater when it's going really well. I can see everybody's face practically in the whole room. There's no cameras in the way, and it's just me. "

" I'm a big believer in overcoming and achieving and doing things and not feeling sorry for yourself. "

" I'm down to earth; people sense that and they appreciate it. "

" If I wasn't a comic or TV star, I really wanted to be a photojournalist. That was my other dream job. "

" I wanted to do a show based on what my life would be like if I had never become a comedian. "

" But sports photography isn't something you just pick up overnight. You can't do it once a year for fun and expect to do a good job. And I take pride in what I do. "

" I've got to say that I don't see myself as some sort of political type like Alec Baldwin or Barbra Streisand. I don't want to come across like that. I'd be embarrassed if that was the way I came across. "

" Even when people are rich and successful on TV shows, there's always some trouble - you have to poke holes in them, throw them out of a job, put a pie in the face. "

" I tried out for 'Jeopardy' once, when they came to Cleveland, but I didn't make it. "

" I don't care if my jokes are appropriate for a kid. "

" Nevada's one of the most conservative states in the Union, but you can do what you want in Vegas and nobody judges you. "

" I'm never afraid to die. I think that's the best thing that can happen to somebody is they get to move on and do something better. "

" Abraham Lincoln, Teddy Roosevelt, Richard Nixon, Ronald Reagan. They'd all fit more under the Libertarian label than the modern day Republican label. "

" Reality shows always look for the worst people. "

" TV is easier: it's all planned out for you, and the audience is there to see a show and they are all pumped up, but when you are in a comedy club, you have to be really funny to win them over. To me, that's more pure. "