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" Reality shows always look for the worst people. "

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" I was in the band when I was a kid, I played the trumpet. "

" George Carlin is kind of my template now because George Carlin before was straight laced regular comic and he had short hair, a tie, suit, nightclub guy. Then he said screw it, let his hair grow, just started telling what he thought was the truth. So that's what I'm trying to do. "

" Exercise is the main thing that helped me lose weight. "

" I don't have a Bluetooth thing on my ear. That bugs me. "

" 'The Price Is Right,' it was an honor to be offered it because it's such an American institution. To be able to carry on this tradition with a show that has been on for so long, I thought it was a great opportunity for me. "

" I love doing 'The Price is Right.' It's so much fun. I love meeting everybody and giving out prizes, especially when it's not my money. It's really a happy place, and everybody is all jazzed up. "

" The first Monopoly game I played with my brothers, I hated losing so much, I just had to beat them. "

" Even when people are rich and successful on TV shows, there's always some trouble - you have to poke holes in them, throw them out of a job, put a pie in the face. "

" Why is everybody afraid of going to Heaven? You want to be here with the smog and the sin and bad people and the war? Or do you want to be in Heaven, sitting next to Jesus, you know? "

" Abraham Lincoln, Teddy Roosevelt, Richard Nixon, Ronald Reagan. They'd all fit more under the Libertarian label than the modern day Republican label. "

" The easiest diet is, you know, eat vegetables, eat fresh food. Just a really sensible healthy diet like you read about all the time. "

" But sports photography isn't something you just pick up overnight. You can't do it once a year for fun and expect to do a good job. And I take pride in what I do. "

" What also helps our show is that we never take ourselves seriously. "

" Being a celebrity you always get really good seats to sporting events but you never get as good seats as the photographers get. And I really love sports. So one of the scams I have going now is I want to learn sports photography so I can get better seats at a sporting event. "

" Some people don't like competition because it makes them work harder, better. "

" If I wasn't a comic or TV star, I really wanted to be a photojournalist. That was my other dream job. "

" Libertarians are essentially what the Republicans were 30 years ago. Abraham Lincoln, Teddy Roosevelt, Richard Nixon, Ronald Reagan. They'd all fit more under the Libertarian label than the modern day Republican label. "

" Oh, and once, when I was in the Marines, I got a perfect score on my physical fitness test. "

" I work with a place in Santa Monica called Phase IV. My doctor recommended them to me when I started losing weight. They help people train for things like triathlons or biking and running races. They offer physical therapists, testing, lectures. "

" I tried out for 'Jeopardy' once, when they came to Cleveland, but I didn't make it. "

" I am happy that I ran the half-marathon, but to me, just running and saying that I finished a race isn't enough for me. I want to run the race as best as I can. Working out for pants size isn't enough. I need a goal or a race to get back on the treadmill every day. "

" My fans are pretty normal, they are always really nice and polite, and they don't interrupt my meals. "

" At 'Price Is Right,' people feel so safe there and loved. And if you can't jump around on 'Price is Right,' then you can't jump around anywhere, you know? "

" I do get the comics online I guess but it's such a pain. I'd rather just get them in the paper and read them. "

" Vegas is everything that's right with America. You can do whatever you want, 24 hours a day. They've effectively legalized everything there. "

" Everybody in Hollywood loves symbolic gestures. "

" I learned how to believe in myself. Learned how to set goals, you know, self help books man. I just read every single one I can get a hold of, and I still do. "

" The Marines was a fresh start - that is why they shave your head. I wish they would let you change your name. "

" I wanted to do a show based on what my life would be like if I had never become a comedian. "

" 'Green Screen' was a total experiment. I'm glad we did it, but it was just tough on that network to get it going. "