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" People laugh to forget their troubles, and to forget their troubles they like to look at people who aren't doing better than they are. "

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" The people of Cleveland hate soccer. But it's my favourite thing and I follow the U.S. men's national team around when they play whenever I can. "

" 'The Price Is Right,' it was an honor to be offered it because it's such an American institution. To be able to carry on this tradition with a show that has been on for so long, I thought it was a great opportunity for me. "

" I'm a big believer in overcoming and achieving and doing things and not feeling sorry for yourself. "

" The hardest diet I was ever on was the one when I was fat. You can only wear fat clothes, you don't feel good, your sex life gets damaged, you don't have energy for anything. It's horrible. "

" I always thought I was going to die before I was 60. "

" I moved from Cleveland to L.A. with a girlfriend, we broke up, and I lived out of my car for a year and a half, on the road with nothing on my mind but getting my act good enough to be on 'The Tonight Show.' "

" The Marines was a fresh start - that is why they shave your head. I wish they would let you change your name. "

" We'll never see national shows with 45 shares again. "

" I do get the comics online I guess but it's such a pain. I'd rather just get them in the paper and read them. "

" At 'Price Is Right,' people feel so safe there and loved. And if you can't jump around on 'Price is Right,' then you can't jump around anywhere, you know? "

" Some people don't like competition because it makes them work harder, better. "

" I don't have a Bluetooth thing on my ear. That bugs me. "

" But I don't want to lose touch with things like eating in Bob's Big Boy. "

" Nevada's one of the most conservative states in the Union, but you can do what you want in Vegas and nobody judges you. "

" It doesn't matter how smart you are; to audition for 'Jeopardy,' you just have to luck out and know what they're asking you that day. "

" I love doing 'The Price is Right.' It's so much fun. I love meeting everybody and giving out prizes, especially when it's not my money. It's really a happy place, and everybody is all jazzed up. "

" I see my face in the mirror and go, 'I'm a Halloween costume? That's what they think of me?' "

" I just try to get people to laugh - I'm not trying to change the world or anything. "

Change The World

" I tried out for 'Jeopardy' once, when they came to Cleveland, but I didn't make it. "

" I am happy that I ran the half-marathon, but to me, just running and saying that I finished a race isn't enough for me. I want to run the race as best as I can. Working out for pants size isn't enough. I need a goal or a race to get back on the treadmill every day. "

" When I did Comic Relief, I did it to be on the show; it's a badge of honor as a comedian to do that show. "

" TV is easier: it's all planned out for you, and the audience is there to see a show and they are all pumped up, but when you are in a comedy club, you have to be really funny to win them over. To me, that's more pure. "

" What also helps our show is that we never take ourselves seriously. "

" 'Green Screen' was a total experiment. I'm glad we did it, but it was just tough on that network to get it going. "

" Nothing's funny about someone who's successful. "

" International soccer has been a big part of my love for the sport. I love the Men's National Team. I can say that they're my favorite sports team. "

" There's nothing like the energy in a small comedy club room or a small theater when it's going really well. I can see everybody's face practically in the whole room. There's no cameras in the way, and it's just me. "

" Like I said, all comedy is based on exaggeration, big or small, whatever you can get away with. "

" The easiest diet is, you know, eat vegetables, eat fresh food. Just a really sensible healthy diet like you read about all the time. "

" Living in Hollywood, you can get disconnected from everybody. You can feel like you are the only one. "