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" Politicians don't really bring up religion in England. "

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" Sometimes it's good to remember how bad food can be, so you can enjoy the concept of flavour to the fullest. "

" If you work on a comedy show, your basic form of communication is teasing. That's generally how we speak to each other: you communicate the information between the lines of insulting sentences. "

" I wanted to be a soccer player. I knew that couldn't happen. "

" People really have come for a dialogue when they go to a stand-up show in the U.K. They say, 'I understand that you have now finished your little comedy monologue; now I have something to say regarding what I've just heard. "

" Being a Mets fan is like lending someone a lot of money and you just know that you'll never get paid back. "

" Stand-up, for me, is really more of an addiction, so you have to feed the beast whenever you can. "

" There are some people who watch NASCAR for the highly skilled driving - but most people watch it for the crashes. "

" The British media is sinking down, as the American news media has lowered the bar for all of humanity. British news media is definitely trying to stoop down to that level. Everyone is stooping to the lowest common denominator. "

" People, I guess, generally come to see me do stand-up with a working knowledge of my broad sense of humor on 'The Daily Show'... I don't think anyone would mistake me as an actual anchor. "

" People in Britain see Richard Quest as a kind of an offensive cartoon character. "

" As any Brit will understand, things get a little easier when you don't have to be number one any more. Really, the fall of an empire is not as bad as everyone thinks. It's like retirement. People fear retirement, but it can turn out be rather pleasant. "

" I feel more at home knowing I'm not really at home. It takes all the pressure off you trying to fit in! "

" Stand-up comedy seems like a terrifying thing. Objectively. Before anyone has done it, it seems like one of the most frightening things you could conceive, and there's just no shortcut - you just have to do it. "

" I get nostalgic for British negativity. There is an inherent hope and positive drive to New Yorkers. When you go back to Britain, everybody is just running everything down. It's like whatever the opposite of a hug is. "

" A Southern accent is not a club in my bag. "

" People are friendlier in New York than London. "

" I find it hard in my general life to think further than the week ahead. "

" When you're doing stand-up, you want to stand onstage and, to the extent that you can, uncomplicatedly entertain. "

" If you're asking me, would I have voted for Mitt Romney, the answer is absolutely not. Emphatically not. I cannot envision a world in which I would have voted for Mitt Romney unless I sustained a massive concussion. "

" Americans just don't understand dry wit. "

" You have to do stand-up quite a long time before you learn how to do it well. It was probably years before I was confident enough in stand-up that I was able to talk about the things I wanted to talk about, the way I wanted to talk about them. "

" Australia turns out to be a sensational place, albeit one of the most comfortably racist places I've ever been in. They've really settled into their intolerance like an old resentful slipper. "

" I realize how desperate it sounds for me, as a comedian, to ask you to laugh at my jokes. "

" I've always been interested in socially political, or overtly political, comedy. "

" You can write jokes at any point of the day. Jokes are not that hard to write, or they shouldn't be when it is literally your job. "

" There's never any time I think I'm a real journalist, because I don't have any of the qualifications or the intentions for that. "

" I can't relax. I find vacations problematic. "

" I would much rather America was a more stable, wonderful place. You know, I love it. "