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" The first time onstage, a light went on. 'OK, this is my thing. I'm comfortable here. This is my thing.' "

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" I'm a stand-up comic. I'm always doing dates; it's just that, if I'm working on a project or I'm busy, I can't get out on the road or book any shows. Since the beginning of my career, I'm usually out for at least 10-15 dates throughout the year. If I have time, then I try to get at least 30-40 dates. "

" Stand-up, by far, is my favorite. "

" I have a lot of breast cancer history on my mother's side of the family. "

" I worked with people like Edward Snowden. Well, not people who took stuff home. "

" I really can't pinpoint the one moment when I said I want to be a comic. "

" Don't bother me while I'm eating, or when I'm coming out of the crackhouse or something. Just let me get going. "

" If I did a talk show, this would allow me to speak on what's happening at that moment. I can be current, and I get to flex my stand-up muscle but stay at home without doing the traveling. "

" I watch Jay. I watch 'Letterman'. I flip back and forth between 'Conan' and 'Letterman', especially the top of the show for those guys. "

" A woman would pitch a joke. Nothing. Then a guy would pitch it and everybody would laugh. "

" The government shouldn't be involved in this because it's very simple. If you don't believe in same-sex marriage, then don't marry somebody of the same sex. "

" If you feel like there's something out there that you're supposed to be doing, if you have a passion for it, then stop wishing and just do it. "

" I have a funny family, but none of them are remotely in show business. "

" But I think funny and talent will always win out; I mean, of course there are hurdles, but I think if you're funny you will get over all of that. "

" I have to be socially aware; I feel like that's my job. "

" I'm constantly preparing. Material hits me; I'm always writing. I go back and listen to my shows and just prepare and put my set together. But the day of, I like to have some downtime. A nice lunch is important for me. "

" Back then, I was doing more of my impression of what a comic is supposed to do. "

" If a topic hits me, I'll start going on it. But you can't force it. "

" I think sometimes celebrities can hurt a candidate. You don't want people to judge them on your last project. "

" Then you had people who wanted to get into comedy just to get a TV deal. "

" I knew I was outspoken when I was a kid because, whenever my parents had company coming over, they would pay me to leave. 'Go see your grandmother. Get out of here.' That was my first paying gig. "

" It's hard to get fired from the government. You have to, like, kill people. "

" I love Costas. He's knows too much, but he's a good guy. "

" That's why I talk about the breast cancer: because I want women - and everyone - to stay on top of things and get checked. I know how scary it can be. When I dealt with it, I was like, 'Oh my God.' And I have so many other friends who have gone through it or have suffered a loss. "

" Men are dogs. Men are dogs. We got to stop it. Men are not dogs. Uh-uh. Dogs are loyal. "

" I was working at the NSA. I don't know, I was just bored. I just knew that's not what I was supposed to be doing with my life. "

" People are going to label you anyway, but the one that bugs me the most is when they say, 'One of the funniest female comedians.' There's s no 'funniest male comedians.' You're either a funny comedian, or you're not! "

" It's easier to rip somebody to shreds while you're making them laugh. "

" I'm shy. I am. I mean, if I get around, you know, in a room of a bunch of people especially I - you know, I don't know or - it takes me a while to warm up. I'm - and the real me, I'm not as witty as, you know, as the comic Wanda. The comic, she's had time to work on some things. "