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" When I'm not on T.V. or working on a movie, I'm on the road doing stand-up. That's my roots. "

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" I tried theatre. I played Miss Hannigan for a short run of Annie at a regional theatre. That was fun. I enjoyed it! I enjoy theatre and have so much respect for theatre actors. "

" Some government workers are dedicated and work hard, but most of them are just waiting to retire. "

" The first time onstage, a light went on. 'OK, this is my thing. I'm comfortable here. This is my thing.' "

" People are going to label you anyway, but the one that bugs me the most is when they say, 'One of the funniest female comedians.' There's s no 'funniest male comedians.' You're either a funny comedian, or you're not! "

" I don't understand why people really get upset about something that doesn't affect them at all. "

" In this business, you get an opportunity, and you pounce on it. "

" There's so many good comedians in D.C. I started hanging out with those guys. Dave Chappelle was there. Actually, Dave was too young to be in the clubs, so when his mom couldn't make it, he would ask me to pretend I was his aunt, so he could do open mike. "

" I love Costas. He's knows too much, but he's a good guy. "

" It wasn't until I became more confident with myself and I put myself forward instead of the jokes; at first it was put the jokes out there and I'm just behind the jokes. "

" I'm really funny now. "

" I remember, when I was a kid, my summers were pretty much running around, riding your bike, and then complaining about you were bored. "

" Actually, I majored in marketing and I have a bachelor of science. "

" I have a funny family, but none of them are remotely in show business. "

" My wife asked me if I ever thought I would ever retire from stand-up. And I thought about it, and I was like, 'No, because it's my job; it's what I do, and I enjoy it.' It's still the most challenging thing for me to do. "

" Don't bother me while I'm eating, or when I'm coming out of the crackhouse or something. Just let me get going. "

" I have to be socially aware; I feel like that's my job. "

" I watched a lot of comedy growing up. "

" It's hard to get fired from the government. You have to, like, kill people. "

" I worked with people like Edward Snowden. Well, not people who took stuff home. "

" I think it's because my comedy is in your face, and it comes from a place that's real. "

" It's easier to rip somebody to shreds while you're making them laugh. "

" I have a sidekick, Keith Robinson, who's very funny. I've known Keith for over 20 years; he's my best friend. "

" People are getting careers from YouTube and uploading videos. And they're totally different - you can't necessarily be funny on a video, and then all of a sudden you're live in a theater. You don't have the tools yet. It's a lot more involved to go from being funny on a little iPhone screen to being live in front of people and being funny. "

" I'm always thinking of stuff; I just don't sit down and write it. I come up with material more as I go along; if something funny happens, I'll make a note of it on my phone. "

" I really can't pinpoint the one moment when I said I want to be a comic. "

" I couldn't believe that Donald Trump won. I couldn't believe that we elected an orangutan to front the country. "

" Then you had people who wanted to get into comedy just to get a TV deal. "

" The government shouldn't be involved in this because it's very simple. If you don't believe in same-sex marriage, then don't marry somebody of the same sex. "

" I don't like doing the same material over and over again. It's not fun. "

" I'm here today because I refused to be unhappy. I took a chance. "