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" I prefer doing TV, where it can be different every time. "

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" When I went to New York to try and make it, I never thought it wouldn't happen. "

" I have an iPhone, and I can text, and I can use the phone, and I can even take pictures with it. "

" Edgy is fine - I'm not a prude by any stretch of the imagination - but what's wrong with a good ol' belly laugh? I miss that. "

" It all happened the way it was supposed to. I wouldn't change anything. I had such a great run. "

" I love audiences. "

" I don't have false teeth. Do you think I'd buy teeth like these? "

" Comedy is tragedy - plus time. "

" I never regretted turning down anything, I never regretted losing a job because I always felt something else was out there. "

" When I was in college at UCLA, I took a playwriting course. I was all set to be a writer. But I had to take this acting class as a theater arts major. I had to do this scene in a one-act comedy. I just said this line, and then... this laugh happened. I thought, 'Whoa. This is a really good feeling. What have I been missing?' "

" My grandmother and I would go see movies, and we'd come back to the apartment - we had a one-room apartment in Hollywood - and I would kind of lock myself in this little dressing room area with a cracked mirror on the door and act out what I had just seen. "

" Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me. "

" In '57, I got a job at the Blue Angel nightclub, and a gentleman named Ken Welch wrote all my material for me. I lived at a place called the Rehearsal Club that was actually the basis for a play called Stage Door. "

" My mother was very funny. My dad had a great sense of humor. My grandmother, too. "

" I'm glad I was born when I was. My time was the golden age of variety. If I were starting out again now, maybe things would happen for me, but it certainly would not be on a variety show with 28 musicians, 12 dancers, two major guest stars, 50 costumes a week by Bob Mackie. The networks just wouldn't spend the money today. "

" I don't watch sitcoms. I really don't. My problem with them is they take so long to film them that there's no spontaneity. I want to see that. "

" Celebrity was a long time in coming; it will go away. Everything goes away. "

" I eat very well, and I do Pilates. "

" It's also selfish because it makes you feel good when you help others. I've been helped by acts of kindness from strangers. That's why we're here, after all, to help others. "

" As far as sitcoms go, I thought Jenna Elfman in 'Dharma and Greg' was a wonderful physical comedienne who had great timing. "

" I think the hardest thing to do in the world, show-business-wise, is write comedy. "

" I wish my mother had left me something about how she felt growing up. I wish my grandmother had done the same. I wanted my girls to know me. "

" I'm so happy with what has happened in my life. "

" My first book was an open letter to my three daughters. "

" I had always been quiet and studious in school. I was the high school editor of the newspaper. "

" But I don't begrudge anybody, because I know how hard it is to have that dream and to make it happen, whether or not it's just to put a roof over your head and food on the table. "

" I really enjoy connecting with the audience. "

" We all get where we're going by circuitous journeys, and some of the setbacks are warranted. "

" Adolescence is just one big walking pimple. "

" Everybody I know who is funny, it's in them. You can teach timing, or some people are able to tell a joke, though I don't like to tell jokes. But I think you have to be born with a sense of humor and a sense of timing. "

" I think the reason I was successful is that I was never cynical. "