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" I have an iPhone, and I can text, and I can use the phone, and I can even take pictures with it. "

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" I've always been optimistic. And I have a feeling that it happened because of going to all those movies with my grandmother in the '40s because there was no cynicism. "

" We don't stop going to school when we graduate. "

" I'm not a person who likes to confront. "

" My childhood was rough, we were poor and my parents were alcoholics, but nobody was mean. I knew I was loved. We were on welfare, but I never felt abandoned or unloved. "

" I wanted to be on Broadway, but in musical comedy. "

" Kristin Wiig I think is brilliant. "

" My grandmother and I followed my mother here, to a house a block north of Hollywood Boulevard but a million miles away from Hollywood, if you know what I mean. We would hang out behind the ropes and look at the movie stars arriving at the premieres. "

" As far as sitcoms go, I thought Jenna Elfman in 'Dharma and Greg' was a wonderful physical comedienne who had great timing. "

" I think the reason I was successful is that I was never cynical. "

" If I go to a party, I'm not one to be the funniest person in the room at all. "

" I love to write. I have always loved writing. That was my first love. "

" Originally, I came from Texas, and we lived on - I guess you'd call it welfare, what we called relief. "

" On the good days, my mother would haul out the ukulele and we'd sit around the kitchen table - it was a cardboard table with a linoleum top - and sing. "

" I love audiences. "

" Because of YouTube, I'm getting fan mail from 10-year-olds and teenagers and college kids. "

" But I didn't ask to have somebody nose around in my private life. I didn't even ask to be famous. All I asked was to be able to earn a living making people laugh. "

" I was kind of shy as a kid. I was a pretty good student. I was a wallflower, or nerd, if you will. "

" I eat very well, and I do Pilates. "

" Funny is funny. I dare anyone to look at Tim Conway and Harvey Korman doing the dentist sketch, which is more than 40 years old, and not scream with laughter. "

" I very much enjoyed doing 'Law & Order,' playing a killer - that was fun, and they had a family feel around the set, so it was a happy show to do even though the subject matter was quite the opposite. "

" I struggled for a while, but when I was cast in an Off Broadway show called 'Once Upon a Mattress,' that kind of put me on the map. "

" My grandmother and I saw an average of eight movies a week, double features, second run. "

" Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me. "

" I don't eat much meat, fish, or poultry. "

" I had always been quiet and studious in school. I was the high school editor of the newspaper. "

" Steve Martin in 'All of Me,' when he did that whole thing where he was possessed by the spirit in his body? It was brilliant. "

" I don't have false teeth. Do you think I'd buy teeth like these? "

" I am not a joke-teller. Stand-up, I couldn't do. "

" I'm like your mother, your sister, whatever. "

" When things are a disappointment, try not to be so discouraged. "