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" My first book was an open letter to my three daughters. "

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" I was kind of shy as a kid. I was a pretty good student. I was a wallflower, or nerd, if you will. "

" I've always been able to recount things, and I have a really good memory about dialog and what people have said before and this and that. "

" It's not a bad thing to be able to do many things onstage. If you're an entertainer, you should be able to entertain. I'm proud to say that I'm not a one-trick pony. "

" But I don't begrudge anybody, because I know how hard it is to have that dream and to make it happen, whether or not it's just to put a roof over your head and food on the table. "

" I didn't really get comfortable until I got to UCLA, and I had to take an acting course because I was studying theater arts. "

" I had it in my contract with CBS, a very weird clause that was never written before and certainly not since, that if I wanted to do a variety show within the first five years of the contract, CBS would have to put it on for 30 shows. "

" I think the hardest thing to do in the world, show-business-wise, is write comedy. "

" I was very entertained by Betty Grable and Judy Garland. "

" Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me. "

" My childhood was rough, we were poor and my parents were alcoholics, but nobody was mean. I knew I was loved. We were on welfare, but I never felt abandoned or unloved. "

" My interesting diet tips are eat early and don't nosh between meals. I mean, I can pack it away. "

" I do think there are some great female comics: Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Kristen Wiig, Maya Rudolph. They're the whole ball of wax. "

" My favorite is doing the television show, as a variety show, every week. If the show wasn't that great one week, we could always come back and apologize, you know? "

" When I went to New York to try and make it, I never thought it wouldn't happen. "

" Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head. "

" But I didn't ask to have somebody nose around in my private life. I didn't even ask to be famous. All I asked was to be able to earn a living making people laugh. "

" You have to go through the falling down in order to learn to walk. It helps to know that you can survive it. That's an education in itself. "

" I'm like your mother, your sister, whatever. "

" I love Maya Rudolph. She's very multitalented herself. "

" My grandmother and I would go see movies, and we'd come back to the apartment - we had a one-room apartment in Hollywood - and I would kind of lock myself in this little dressing room area with a cracked mirror on the door and act out what I had just seen. "

" I very much enjoyed doing 'Law & Order,' playing a killer - that was fun, and they had a family feel around the set, so it was a happy show to do even though the subject matter was quite the opposite. "

" I'm so happy with what has happened in my life. "

" Adolescence is just one big walking pimple. "

" I loved doing 'The Family' with Eunice and Mama. They were very interesting because there were no jokes written into those sketches. It was all character-driven. And sometimes it got a little heavy. "

" I love 'Modern Family.' And I love 'Glee' - the singing, the music - Jane Lynch just kills me. "

" My mother was very funny. My dad had a great sense of humor. My grandmother, too. "

" Everybody I know who is funny, it's in them. You can teach timing, or some people are able to tell a joke, though I don't like to tell jokes. But I think you have to be born with a sense of humor and a sense of timing. "

" I do the 'New York Times' crossword puzzle every morning to keep the old grey matter ticking. "

" I'm not a person who likes to confront. "

" Funny is funny. I dare anyone to look at Tim Conway and Harvey Korman doing the dentist sketch, which is more than 40 years old, and not scream with laughter. "