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" When I was in college at UCLA, I took a playwriting course. I was all set to be a writer. But I had to take this acting class as a theater arts major. I had to do this scene in a one-act comedy. I just said this line, and then... this laugh happened. I thought, 'Whoa. This is a really good feeling. What have I been missing?' "

Carol Burnett

Laugh

Thought

College

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" I was in California, and I was going to UCLA, and I knew I certainly didn't have movie star looks. I remember seeing pictures and photos of Ethel Merman and Mary Martin, who were kind of average looking. I said, 'Well, that's for me, then, to go back to New York and try to be in musical comedy on Broadway.' "

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" My childhood was rough, we were poor and my parents were alcoholics, but nobody was mean. I knew I was loved. We were on welfare, but I never felt abandoned or unloved. "

" I struggled for a while, but when I was cast in an Off Broadway show called 'Once Upon a Mattress,' that kind of put me on the map. "

Carol Burnett

Off

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" I don't have false teeth. Do you think I'd buy teeth like these? "

Carol Burnett

False

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" I love audiences. "

" I love to write. I have always loved writing. That was my first love. "

" I didn't really get comfortable until I got to UCLA, and I had to take an acting course because I was studying theater arts. "

" If I go to a party, I'm not one to be the funniest person in the room at all. "

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Room

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" I'm hooked on Glenn Close in 'Damages.' "

" I was very entertained by Betty Grable and Judy Garland. "

" It's almost impossible to be funnier than the people in Washington. "

" I'm like your mother, your sister, whatever. "

Carol Burnett

Your

Whatever

" It's also selfish because it makes you feel good when you help others. I've been helped by acts of kindness from strangers. That's why we're here, after all, to help others. "

" I think the reason I was successful is that I was never cynical. "

" I had a good loud voice and I wasn't afraid to be goofy or zany. "

" Edgy is fine - I'm not a prude by any stretch of the imagination - but what's wrong with a good ol' belly laugh? I miss that. "

" I was raised going to the movies with my grandmother as a kid. And then I'd come home, and my best friend and I would act out the films that we saw. "

" I've always been able to recount things, and I have a really good memory about dialog and what people have said before and this and that. "

" My first book was an open letter to my three daughters. "

" Adolescence is just one big walking pimple. "

" Kristin Wiig I think is brilliant. "

" It all happened the way it was supposed to. I wouldn't change anything. I had such a great run. "

" When I left 'The Garry Moore Show,' I signed a 10-year contract with CBS. "

" I am not a person who yells at all, but I realized that I have always felt so good after doing the Tarzan yell, after doing Charo, or screaming as Eunice. "

" Well, I don't know how astute I am, but I did want to be a journalist when I was growing up. "

" Celebrity was a long time in coming; it will go away. Everything goes away. "

" We don't stop going to school when we graduate. "