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" I used to be an engineer, and I was the worst engineer in the United States of America. That's why I became a comic. "

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" You men make up these rules, and now you get mad because I'm telling you what a real woman wants. She wants you to treat her like a lady if you want her to sit up there and put on all the lingerie! "

" I'm fat, and I support fat celebrities, like Oprah. "

" The thing is, it's that Detroiters are hard workers. We've always been hard workers, even when times are down. I've been able to take that with me, that work ethic, to help me build my career. "

" There is nothing like a live performance. You can look at things on television, and you can look at things on YouTube, but when you get in a room full of people and you say one joke, and everyone's laughing at the same thing, it's a really great experience. "

" I have relationships. I date. But it takes a lot to say I'm going to be married and have children. "

" It is harder to dress a bigger woman no matter what anybody wants to say. "

" Even when I was an engineer, I was a comic on my job. At birthday and holiday parties, I was the one scheduling and emceeing. If you work on your gift, and you're good, it will shine through. "

" That's a nice thing about being a topical standup: you can add in things to keep it fresh. "

" I love being a regular on 'Chelsea Lately!' "

" Seriously, I love my gays. They accept me, and I accept them. Imperfections and all, we accept each other. "

" The president of CBS handpicked me for the 'Star Search' revival, which Arsenio Hall hosted. He picked 12 comics, and I was the only female. I always look to that as inspiration. "

" It's been a long haul. It may seem to some people that have never heard of me, 'Oh she just popped up on the scene,' but I've been working on this for some time. "

" Life is funny, and that's why I celebrate it in my shows. "

" I don't have a lot of time for television because I am making it, so it's really hard for me to sit down. But when I do get a chance, I try to catch up on 'Scandal,' 'Empire' and 'black-ish.' "

" I like having peace and quiet in my life, and I am perfectly happy in my relationships. "

" I've seen Don Rickles up at the Montreal Comedy Festival. Don Rickles was doing jokes in a wheelchair, and he was headlining a show. Do you think they would let a woman do that? "

" I was a latchkey kid, so when I saw the 'Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous,' that showed me that there was a different type of lifestyle out there. I was curious about it and amazed about it. "

" I don't want to get married - I've been there and done that. So I know what I'm talking about when I say that. And for everybody has a different path - find out your path! And if you want to do it, don't let people make you feel inadequate because you wanted to do something that's different. "

" People say they get a warmness from me. "

" I think that, for so long, there was only one type of actor, and now you see these different colors, different people, different shapes and different sizes. It just makes it more interesting. "

" Men don't know how to act like men sometimes. Take the trash out. Open up the door. Rub my feet. I mean, it's a two-way street! "

" We provide comedy for everybody, no matter what your race or gender. We just want people to come out and have a really good time. "

" I will never say never, but I can tell you right now - I am perfectly happy with being who I am. I just - I really - I'm an entertainer, and the thing that I'd decided to work on was my career, and I decided the energy that I was putting in certain relationships - I was really kind of wasting my time, and I knew it. "

" In 'Mother's Day,' which is directed by legendary director Garry Marshall, I play a mother figure to the character played by Jason Sudeikis from 'Saturday Night Live.' He's a widower, and I'm a mother who's helping him to get over the loss of his wife. "

" I keep doing stand-up because the world needs laughter - there's always something happening in the country and in the world. That's why I wanted to become an entertainer: to help people forget about their problems for a little while. "

" Being a female comic and getting a Comedy Central special is an honor because not a lot of women get that. "

" What helped was that my mother, even though we didn't have a lot of money... allowed me to take part in the Girl Scouts. "

" One of my dreams was to change the way women of color were seen on television. "

" I am the funny, crazy person. "

" Now that I live in Los Angeles, if I meet somebody from Detroit, it's like there's this brother- or sisterhood, where we're real folks. "