Get QuoteDark Inspirational Quotes App

" If we're not going to tax the rich anymore, we're going to create class warfare. "

Related Quotes:

" I get an idea about something. I just start thinking about it, and then I get onstage and I talk about it, and then I think about it some more and talk about it some more, and think about it some more and talk about it some more, until it starts to take a shape. "

" What I've found in my career is that 70 to 75 percent of comics are nice and have some sense of social skills, but there are those who end up in comedy because they don't know how to socialize. I don't want to deal with that group. "

" Democrats are like a big tortoise that's on its back and can't get up; you can't make jokes about that. "

" Kids seem to get me when I play colleges - they like it because I go after them. They'll come up after and say I am like their dads, only funny. "

" Stupidity really gets me going, when it's just plain stupid, obvious stupidity. "

" No matter what, your parents are going to worry about you. I had a tour bus, and my mother still thought I was broke. Remember: It's your life, not theirs. Just because your parents sent you to college doesn't mean they bought the rest of your life. "

" Basically, I started on stage yelling and I kept yelling, and then I yelled some more, and then I yelled even louder. I'm modulated now. "

" The Democrats have responded to the Republicans' lack of dealing with reality by truly not dealing with reality, either. "

" I'm a happy person but an angry citizen. "

" I think comics in New York are interested in being comics. And there're comics in L.A. who are touring comics, who are certainly more interested in stand-up, but a lot of L.A. stand-ups are really looking to do something else. "

" When a country wants television more than they want clean water, they've lost their grip. "

" When I'm funny is when I'm angriest. "

" I like indoor Christmas trees. And I like people who decorate their homes with lights and all that crap. I think it's a healthy outlet for them. If they weren't covering their lawns with twinkling lights, they'd be doing something that was really, really creepy. "

" I'm amazed that anyone is interested in what I have to say. "

" If you're working out in front of a mirror and watching your muscles grow, your ego has reached a point where it is now eating itself. That's why I believe there should be a psychiatrist at every health club, so that when they see you doing this, they will take you away for a little chat. "

" You realize that for all the shenanigans that go on in the big circus of politics, everybody wakes up and goes to work. "

" I continue to work on plays, but I've always felt that you could put a note in a bottle and send it offshore, and you'd have as much chance communicating with people. "

" If you yell about one woman, you're not a misogynist. If I yell about Michelle Bachman, that doesn't make me a misogynist. If I compare all women to Michelle Bachman, then I'm a misogynist. "

" I love anything that gets me outside of my own head. "

" You can never put too much pork in your mouth as far as I'm concerned. "

" What I find most disturbing about Valentine's Day is, look, I get that you have to have a holiday of love, but in the height of flu season, it makes no sense. "

" I've always really liked theater. It fascinated me. You can create a reality and get people involved in that reality. It takes place in real time. "

" Stand-up is the only thing in which you actually write it, act it and direct it simultaneously, so it's actually a great theater exercise. "

" The fear of health care changing is beyond belief. Like there's a way to make the system worse. Really? "

" One thing I know about the rich, being rich, is that you can take money from me and tomorrow, I'm still going to be rich. "

" My father worked at the Naval Ordnance Lab, and they had a nine-hole course on the property. You paid a quarter. "

" I was broke until I was 40. Really broke. I could get by, but I had nothing. "

" All food is comfort food. Maybe I just like to chew. "

" Everybody's got cable. "

" There should be a law that you can't shut down the government - that you don't have that power. "