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" Kids seem to get me when I play colleges - they like it because I go after them. They'll come up after and say I am like their dads, only funny. "
Lewis Black
I Am
Say
Funny
Related Quotes:
" Political audiences are not fun. "
Lewis Black
Political
Fun
Audiences
" What you don't do, if you're an adult, is decide that you're going to budget things through a sequester. What does that word have to do with budgeting? It's like if you have a family budget and go, 'We really don't know what to take out economically from the budget, so we're going to whack out protein for this week.' "
Lewis Black
Family
Go
Know
" In Vegas, you have an audience you can't find anywhere else. It's from all over the country. You play Seattle, everyone's from Seattle. But in Vegas, you have six from Seattle, a bunch from L.A., some local Las Vegans and maybe a farmer from Iowa. In Vegas, you learn the ins and outs of holding a room because of that great spectrum of folks. "
Lewis Black
Vegas
Play
Country
" If you yell about one woman, you're not a misogynist. If I yell about Michelle Bachman, that doesn't make me a misogynist. If I compare all women to Michelle Bachman, then I'm a misogynist. "
Lewis Black
Woman
Women
Compare
" It's a big thing now: A lot of people want to be assistants to celebrities. If you're pursuing that, you're an idiot. You're a moron. The shortest distance between two points is not a celebrity, or being next to a celebrity. "
Lewis Black
Now
Want
People
" I've always really liked theater. It fascinated me. You can create a reality and get people involved in that reality. It takes place in real time. "
Lewis Black
Place
People
You
" It took forever for me to get work because I was a political comic, and now it's become good business, and God knows how long that'll last. You have to do it night after night after night to kind of make it. I still find myself on 'Piers Morgan' or on some show and I think, 'I hope this is funny.' "
Lewis Black
God
Funny
Good
" Do you know what 'meteorologist' means in English? It means liar. "
Lewis Black
Know
English
Liar
" All food is comfort food. Maybe I just like to chew. "
Lewis Black
Food
Just
Comfort
" I don't Tweet a lot because I've Tweeted things that I thought were really innocuous about subjects that are inflammatory, and the response is so insane sometimes from people. "
Lewis Black
Sometimes
Thought
People
" I like college football, but I'm a huge college basketball fan. I could sit and watch every game of March Madness and be happy. That could be a vacation. "
Lewis Black
Football
Vacation
Happy
" My father worked at the Naval Ordnance Lab, and they had a nine-hole course on the property. You paid a quarter. "
Lewis Black
Quarter
Property
Father
" For a while, I thought the great disappointment of my life was that I don't have a family of my own. Then it dawned on me: That's not what I think; that's what married people think. "
Lewis Black
Great
Family
People
" I don't need politicians doing a 24-hour prayer with Oral Roberts to get our country back on track. "
Lewis Black
Doing
Back
Politicians
" Let me be serious: divorce is a sacred institution between a man and a woman who hate each other. God wanted Adam to pay alimony to Eve, not Steve. "
Lewis Black
Hate
Woman
Me
" I've got stuff about airline mergers, which just shows that my stand-up is getting more insane by the minute. "
Lewis Black
Just
Insane
More
" I'm not a big birthday guy; I never have been. "
Lewis Black
Birthday
Been
Guy
" It's absolutely stupid that we live without an ozone layer. We have men, we've got rockets, we've got saran wrap - fix it! "
Lewis Black
Got
Fix
Without
" I'm a Jew. "
Lewis Black
Jew
" I think that many things that go on in an art school have a tendency to undermine confidence, and that shouldn't be part of the ballgame, ever. "
Lewis Black
Art
Many
Go
" You got to be just stupid to not be focused on alternative energy. "
Lewis Black
Just
Focused
Got
" Socialism appeals to me. It's like imposed Christianity. You've got to share. "
Lewis Black
Socialism
Got
Like
" Usually I'm too tired to apologize. "
Lewis Black
Apologize
Tired
Too
" And I know this happens because I took economics, and I'd explain it to ya, but I flunked that course. Not my fault. They taught it at 8 o'clock in the morning. And there is absolutely nothing you can learn out of one bloodshot eye. "
Lewis Black
Economics
You
Morning
" I've got stress like anybody else, and it builds up during the day. Like, I'll be trying to do something on the computer, and I'll get stuck, so I go to the help section. And it just enrages me, because why even call it a help section at all? There's nothing in any way 'helpful' about it. "
Lewis Black
Nothing
Stress
Trying
" The fine line that you do when you do political comedy is, as long as you have that laugh, you're fine. "
Lewis Black
Comedy
You
Political
" The core of the American public, their hearts and their minds are in the right place. And that gives me hope. "
Lewis Black
Right
American
Place
" Republicans have nothing but bad ideas and Democrats have no ideas. "
Lewis Black
Ideas
Bad
Democrats
" You can never put too much pork in your mouth as far as I'm concerned. "
Lewis Black
Too Much
You
Never
" The kids say golf taught them this and that. I get it with the military: A guy joins the military because he needs discipline and has to find himself. But don't tell me, 'Golf helps you find yourself.' I've been playing my whole life, and I'm still looking for myself. "
Lewis Black
Golf
Yourself
Myself