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" I've had ample contact with lawyers, and I'm convinced that the only fortune they ever leave is their own. "

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" A fellow who is always declaring he's no fool usually has his suspicions. "

" Those who welcome death have only tried it from the ears up. "

" I'd rather know a square guy than own a square mile. "

" The cuckoo who is on to himself is halfway out of the clock. "

" A drama critic is a person who surprises the playwright by informing him what he meant. "

" To my embarrassment I was born in bed with a lady. "

" Most hard-boiled people are half-baked. "

" I've spent several years in Hollywood, and I still think the movie heroes are in the audience. "

" A slave has but one master. An ambition man, has as many as there are people who helped him get his fortune. "

" All anger is not sinful, because some degree of it, and on some occasions, is inevitable. But it becomes sinful and contradicts the rule of Scripture when it is conceived upon slight and inadequate provocation, and when it continues long. "

" The best way to keep your friends is not to give them away. "

" Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something. "

" Popularity is exhausting. The life of the party almost always winds up in a corner with an overcoat over him. "

" If you steal from one author it's plagiarism; if you steal from many it's research. "

" I hate careless flattery, the kind that exhausts you in your efforts to believe it. "

" In the battle of existence, Talent is the punch; Tact is the clever footwork. "

" Do not be desirous of having things done quickly. Do not look at small advantages. Desire to have things done quickly prevents their being done thoroughly. Looking at small advantages prevents great affairs from being accomplished. "

" Be nice to people on your way up because you'll meet them on your way down. "

" Art is science made clear. "

" There is something about a closet that makes a skeleton terribly restless. "

" A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while, he knows something. "

" Don't talk about yourself; it will be done when you leave. "

" Hollywood is a sewer with service from the Ritz Carlton. "

" I know of no sentence that can induce such immediate and brazen lying as the one that begins, 'Have you read - .' "

" To profit from good advice requires more wisdom than to give it. "

" The first hundred years are the hardest. "

" The difference between chirping out of turn and a faux pas depends on what kind of a bar you're in. "

" You sparkle with larceny. "