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" Men mourn for what they have lost; women for what they ain't got. "

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" There are two kinds of fools: those who can't change their opinions and those who won't. "

" The wheel that squeaks the loudest is the one that gets the grease. "

" Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well. "

" It is much easier to repent of sins that we have committed than to repent of those that we intend to commit. "

" About the only difference between the poor and the rich, is this, the poor suffer misery, while the rich have to enjoy it. "

" Don't ever prophesy; for if you prophesy wrong, nobody will forget it; and if you prophesy right, nobody will remember it. "

" Silence is one of the hardest arguments to refute. "

" Knowledge is like money: the more he gets, the more he craves. "

" There is no greater evidence of superior intelligence than to be surprised at nothing. "

" It is not all bad, this getting old, ripening. After the fruit has got its growth it should juice up and mellow. God forbid I should live long enough to ferment and rot and fall to the ground in a squash. "

" A good way I know to find happiness, is to not bore a hole to fit the plug. "

" Most people repent their sins by thanking God they ain't so wicked as their neighbors. "

" I think when the full horror of being fifty hits you, you should stay home and have a good cry. "

" The man whose only pleasure in life is making money, weighs less on the moral scale than an angleworm. "

" It is a very delicate job to forgive a man, without lowering him in his own estimation, and yours too. "

" Advice is like castor oil, easy enough to give but dreadful uneasy to take. "

" No one can disgrace us but ourselves. "

" Laughter is the sensation of feeling good all over and showing it principally in one place. "

" The thinner the ice, the more anxious is everyone to see whether it will bear. "

" The road to ruin is always in good repair, and the travellers pay the expense of it. "

" I have lived in this world just long enough to look carefully the second time into things that I am most certain of the first time. "

" To bring up a child in the way he should go, travel that way yourself once in a while. "

" It's not only the most difficult thing to know one's self, but the most inconvenient. "

" Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed. "

" When a man comes to me for advice, I find out the kind of advice he wants, and I give it to him. "

" One of the best temporary cures for pride and affectation is seasickness; a man who wants to vomit never puts on airs. "

" The best way to convince a fool that he is wrong is to let him have his own way. "

" Genius ain't anything more than elegant common sense. "

" It ain't often that a man's reputation outlasts his money. "

" There's a great power in words, if you don't hitch too many of them together. "