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" There's a great power in words, if you don't hitch too many of them together. "

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" When you're in love it's the most glorious two and a half days of your life. "

" It used to be that you had to make female TV characters perfect so no one would be offended by your 'portrayal' of women. Even when I started out on 'The Office' eight years ago, we could write our male characters funny and flawed, but not the women. And now, thankfully, it's completely different. "

" I'm not saying that I'm on some crusade to change people's minds. I'm just doing what I do. I'm a comedian, I'm trying to be funny... I think when they see a comedy show with an Iranian and an Egyptian and two Palestinians, I think they go, 'Oh wow, these guys are just like us.' "

" Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed. "

" People often can't separate, or can't understand, that to be funny is to be serious; it's a way of pulling people in and not scaring them off. I think a lot of the funny stuff, underneath it, there's a deep anxiety going on. "

" I'm good at coming up with wacky characters and funny dialogue. "

" Men are liars. We'll lie about lying if we have to. I'm an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive. "

" We owe a lot to Thomas Edison - if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight. "

" Every time I do something silly, it comes off really funny because it's natural. "

Shaquille O'Neal

" I don't believe in angels, no. But I do have a wee parking angel. It's on my dashboard and you wind it up. The wings flap and it's supposed to give you a parking space. It's worked so far. "

" We, as Americans, at least - I mean, I love my country - but we're so self-righteous sometimes, in terms of, like, our nationality, our country. But we're people from somewhere else; the true 'Americans' are the original peoples. It's funny, but we're a very territorial species. "

" I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back. "

" We're a phenomenally snobby society, and it's such a rich seam. The middle class is so funny: it's the class I know best, and it's the class where you find the most pretension, so that's what makes the middle classes so funny. "

" I started writing when I was 9 years old. I was like this weird kid who would just stay in my room, typing little funny magazines and drawing comic strips. "

" The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron. "

" I'm fascinated with the stories that we tell. Real histories become fantasies and fairy tales, morality tales and fables. There's something interesting and funny and perverse about the way fairytale sometimes passes for history, for truth. "

" I guess when you turn off the main road, you have to be prepared to see some funny houses. "

" Electricity is really just organized lightning. "

" I was eating in a Chinese restaurant downtown. There was a dish called Mother and Child Reunion. It's chicken and eggs. And I said, I gotta use that one. "

" I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time. "

Charles M. Schulz

" It's funny, because there are so many stereotypes out there about actors and movie stars in general, but I've had a great opportunity to meet a lot of them, and maybe it's just because they don't behave that way around me, but I rarely see that kind of abuse of power. "

" Comedy is only funny when there's real pain. "

" It's funny: the one time I got star-struck was when I met Snoop Dogg. I gave him a hug and said, 'I love you, man.' "

" Part of my act is meant to shake you up. It looks like I'm being funny, but I'm reminding you of other things. Life is tough, darling. Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything; otherwise, we're going down the tube. "

" One advantage of talking to yourself is that you know at least somebody's listening. "

Franklin P. Jones

" It's hard to be funny when you have to be clean. "

" They say Yogi Berra is funny. Well, he has a lovely wife and family, a beautiful home, money in the bank, and he plays golf with millionaires. What's funny about that? "

" Man was created a little lower than the angels and has been getting a little lower ever since. "

" The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun. "

P. G. Wodehouse

" I'm like old wine. They don't bring me out very often - but I'm well preserved. "