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" Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed. "

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" When I was in improv workshops or doing stand-up or writing comedy with others, or just doing comedy, I just laughed. Funny was funny; I loved to laugh. I always liked people I found generally funny. "

" Funny you mention my dinner parties when I have just suggested that inviting close friends over to share a meal with candlelight and wine at your table could be a form of religious experience for some people. To me it's a form of sacrament. "

" 'Hustle' is wonderfully enjoyable because all my life, I've made an effort to be with people who can make me laugh. That original cast - Marc Warren, Jaime Murray, Robert Glenister and Adrian Lester - are all funny. So I know every day I'll have a few good laughs. "

" By all means let's be open-minded, but not so open-minded that our brains drop out. "

Richard Dawkins

" I know my strong points: I work hard, I have talent, I'm funny, and I'm a good person. "

" I wouldn't totally rule out doing Letterman or the Tonight Show if I had a set that I just happened to write that I thought was funny but was still appropriate for network censors. But I'm not going to go out of my way. "

" The reward of energy, enterprise and thrift is taxes. "

William Feather

" They say Yogi Berra is funny. Well, he has a lovely wife and family, a beautiful home, money in the bank, and he plays golf with millionaires. What's funny about that? "

" I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly. "

Winston Churchill

" Every man has a sane spot somewhere. "

Robert Louis Stevenson

" It sounds funny, but I always try to keep an open mind about what I'm writing about. Sometimes I squeak my opinions in there, but generally I don't. I try to be objective about things that I'm writing about. "

John Mellencamp

" I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks. "

" Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life. "

" Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious. "

" Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease. "

" I get tired of comedies where there are a bunch of funny guys and a beautiful woman who doesn't do anything funny. And I don't like books where there's a rough-and-tumble boy and a really clever, snotty girl. That's just not my experience with teenagers. "

" I have a rule - 'funny is funny!' When I write comedy, it's not my aim to upset people. I will be offensive, edgy and immature, but I will also be very intelligent and relevant. At my shows, there are no holy cows. "

" I know the nature of comedy, and you never know what will happen with the next movie or whether people will find it funny. "

" I have only been funny about seventy four per cent of the time. Yes I think that is right. Seventy-four per cent of the time. "

" Memories are like mulligatawny soup in a cheap restaurant. It is best not to stir them. "

P. G. Wodehouse

" Until you walk a mile in another man's moccasins you can't imagine the smell. "

" The nightmare is you spend the rest of your life being funny at parties and then people say, 'Why didn't you do that when you were on television?' "

" My eyes are different sizes, my nose is too broad at the bridge and squishes up when I laugh, and my lips are sorta funny when I smile. "

" Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you. "

" I grew up in a funny way. "

" I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it. "

" Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves? "

" Some of the best bad guys in movies are funny and charming. "

" Back in the '70s, like one of my favorite movies ever was 'The Bad News Bears', and that was a kids' movie, but I don't think of it that way. I think of it as just a great movie because Walter Matthau was so funny and so harsh with those kids. "

" I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. "