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" The man whose only pleasure in life is making money, weighs less on the moral scale than an angleworm. "

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" A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself. "

" To bring up a child in the way he should go, travel that way yourself once in a while. "

" Man was created a little lower than the angels and has been getting a little lower ever since. "

" The best time for you to hold your tongue is the time you feel you must say something or bust. "

" The best medicine I know for rheumatism is to thank the Lord that it ain't gout. "

" Time is like money, the less we have of it to spare the further we make it go. "

" I think when the full horror of being fifty hits you, you should stay home and have a good cry. "

" Honesty is the rarest wealth anyone can possess, and yet all the honesty in the world ain't lawful tender for a loaf of bread. "

" I haven't got as much money as some folks, but I've got as much impudence as any of them, and that's the next thing to money. "

" Love looks through a telescope; envy, through a microscope. "

" You’d better not know so much, than to know so many things that ain’t so. "

" There's a lot of people in this world who spend so much time watching their health that they haven't the time to enjoy it. "

" Adversity has the same effect on a man that severe training has on the pugilist: it reduces him to his fighting weight. "

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" Wisdom has never made a bigot, but learning has. "

" There is no greater evidence of superior intelligence than to be surprised at nothing. "

" Love is said to be blind, but I know some fellows in love who can see twice as much in their sweethearts as I do. "

" Marrying for love may be a bit risky, but it is so honest that God can't help but smile on it. "

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" If you ever find happiness by hunting for it, you will find it, as the old woman did her lost spectacles, safe on her own nose all the time. "

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" Reason often makes mistakes, but conscience never does. "

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" Most people repent their sins by thanking God they ain't so wicked as their neighbors. "

" Remember the poor, it costs nothing. "