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" People think the free market is a philosophy, they think that it is a creed. It is none of those things. Free market is a bathroom scale, it is a measuring tape, it's simply a measurement. "

P. J. O'Rourke

Things

Think

Free

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" I'm a rather decisive type. "

" Not much was really invented during the Renaissance, if you don't count modern civilization. "

" The words 'Space Age' have a quaint, nostalgic tone - sitting on midcentury modern furniture watching 'The Jetsons.' "

" Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective. "

" The two most frightening words in Washington are 'bipartisan consensus.' Bipartisan consensus is when my doctor and my lawyer agree with my wife that I need help. "

" Crazy old people are our entire source of polling information. "

" No industry in living memory has collapsed faster than daily print journalism. "

P. J. O'Rourke

Journalism

Memory

" In Israel, waves of anger and fear circulate all the time, but so do jokes and gossip and silky evening breezes. So, too, in America. "

" Being a humorist is not a voluntary thing. You can tell this because in a situation where saying a funny thing will cause a lot of trouble, a humorist will still say the funny thing. No matter how inappropriate. "

" You don't despair about something like the Middle East, you just do the best you can. "

P. J. O'Rourke

Despair

Middle

" Simply because something is a populist movement doesn't make it either good or bad. "

" I'm on Medicare now. If I go and have a big operation, it costs me nothing. It should cost me a little. I'm not rich, but I can afford a few grand if I have to have my appendix taken out. I can pitch in a little bit. "

P. J. O'Rourke

I Can

Nothing

" We have the British motor industry as a role model for what happens when you try to save an industrial dinosaur. Britain was the first country to industrialise and the first to de-industrialise. We should learn from this. "

" The killjoys initiated automobile crash standards so rigorous that we can't buy a car that hasn't been dropped from the top of a phone pole with our whole family strapped inside. "

" Ending wars is very simple if you surrender. "

" Medical researchers don't know much about head lice because they don't much care. The reason that they don't much care is, paradoxically, that they know a lot. That is, they know one important thing: there is no evidence that head lice transmit disease. "

" No Americans wants to see somebody lose their house because of health bills. Their boat? Maybe. Maybe the boat. But not the house. "

" Soccer matches should be something special, something people eagerly look forward to, something that brightens life. "

" Raining on parades requires no skill or effort on the part of a politician. "

" I come from Toledo, Ohio, a town that has been hurt badly by the shift of the automobile business towards Japan. And yet I remember how the car workers lived in the neighborhood that I grew up in. My father was a car salesman, and I remember how we lived. I remember how modestly we lived. "

" I rarely meet a politician that I don't like personally. They are generally well endowed with charm. Therein lies the danger. "

" I am a student of stupidity. I am a political reporter. "

P. J. O'Rourke

I Am

Stupidity

" China is trying to become America without democracy while America is trying to become France without cheese calories. "

" There's something about Marxism that brings out warts; the only kind of growth this economic system encourages. "

" Wealth is not a pizza, where if I have too many slices you have to eat the Domino's box. "

" Who, other than a crazy person, does anything besides hang up on a robo-call? Any call, any person, anywhere, under any circumstances. "

P. J. O'Rourke

Crazy

Person

" Tom DeLay may or may not have broken campaign finance laws, but he did his best to look like he was breaking them. "

P. J. O'Rourke

Best

Look

" America is not doctrinaire. It's hard for an American politician to come up with an ideological position that is permanently unforgivable. "

" A person has got to balance work and life and family in order to be a balanced person. "

" Democrats hate Democrats most of all. "