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" The best mind-altering drug is the truth. "

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" Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be praying but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic? "

" Ninety eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hardworking, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then, we elected them. "

" I grew up in a time when women didn't really do comedy. You had to be homely, overweight, an old maid, all that. You had to play a stereotype, because very attractive women were not supposed to be funny - because it's powerful; it's a threat. "

" We don't care. We don't have to. We're the phone company. "

" It's my belief we developed language because of our deep inner need to complain. "

" I think my politics are just inclined to be empathetic and humanistic. I grew up with so many different kinds of people with different politics, different religion, no religion, no politics, education, no education, and I was infatuated with all of them. "

" The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat. "

" I never officially came out in any kind of really public way. I just always lived very simply and openly, but the press has never made a big fuss about me or said anything to me. "

" Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world. "

" I personally think we developed language because of our deep need to complain. "

" I mean yes to act out something or take chances in the performance is one thing. But in terms of a camera, whatever's captured is captured so that's a little more daunting. "

" What if it's boring - or if it's not boring, it might be too revealing, or worse, it might be too revealing and still be boring. "

" But there are too many people that make so much money at the cost of lives of other humans and for no reason but to make the money. "

" I guess that's one of the reasons that you do it - work all the time - because it's sort of a high to find something that really works. "

" If you read a lot of books, you're considered well-read. But if you watch a lot of TV, you're not considered well-viewed. "

" Sometimes I feel like a figment of my own imagination. "

" The road to success is always under construction. "

" For fast-acting relief try slowing down. "

" Creating characters is just another way to express a type and put that type to use. "

" I've always wanted to be somebody, but I see now I should have been more specific. "

" I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific. "

" No matter how cynical you become, it's never enough to keep up. "

" If you read a lot of books you are considered well read. But if you watch a lot of TV, you're not considered well viewed. "

" You know being relevant or coming up with something interesting, funny to say about what's current is just as hard as it might ever be depending on the serendipity of it all. "

" Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. "

" What is reality, anyway? Just a collective hunch. "

" Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it. "

" If I had known what it would be like to have it all - I might have been willing to settle for less. "

" Instead of working for the survival of the fittest, we should be working for the survival of the wittiest - then we can all die laughing. "

" Reality is nothing but a collective hunch. "