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" The income tax has made liars out of more Americans than golf. "

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" An onion can make people cry but there's never been a vegetable that can make people laugh. "

" I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with twenty-eight years ago. "

" Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects. "

" The United States never lost a war or won a conference. "

" Do the best you can, and don't take life too serious. "

" So let's be honest with ourselves and not take ourselves too serious, and never condemn the other fellow for doing what we are doing every day, only in a different way. "

" Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there. "

" An economist's guess is liable to be as good as anybody else's. "

" Politics has become so expensive that it takes a lot of money even to be defeated. "

" An ignorant person is one who doesn't know what you have just found out. "

" There is nothing so stupid as the educated man if you get him off the thing he was educated in. "

" A fool and his money are soon elected. "

" You've got to go out on a limb sometimes because that's where the fruit is. "

" Things in our country run in spite of government, not by aid of it. "

" When the Oakies left Oklahoma and moved to California, it raised the I.Q. of both states. "

" If advertisers spent the same amount of money on improving their products as they do on advertising then they wouldn't have to advertise them. "

" Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment. "

" A difference of opinion is what makes horse racing and missionaries. "

" Make crime pay. Become a lawyer. "

" There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you. "

" Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for. "

" This thing of being a hero, about the main thing to it is to know when to die. "

" The man with the best job in the country is the vice-president. All he has to do is get up every morning and say, 'How is the president?' "

" Diplomats are just as essential to starting a war as soldiers are for finishing it... You take diplomacy out of war, and the thing would fall flat in a week. "

" Our constitution protects aliens, drunks and U.S. Senators. "

" There is no more independence in politics than there is in jail. "

" If you ever injected truth into politics you have no politics. "

" I guess there is nothing that will get your mind off everything like golf. I have never been depressed enough to take up the game, but they say you get so sore at yourself you forget to hate your enemies. "

" Chaotic action is preferable to orderly inaction. "