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" A difference of opinion is what makes horse racing and missionaries. "

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" All I know is just what I read in the papers, and that's an alibi for my ignorance. "

" Last year we said, 'Things can't go on like this', and they didn't, they got worse. "

" A holding company is a thing where you hand an accomplice the goods while the policeman searches you. "

" Things in our country run in spite of government, not by aid of it. "

" It's not what you pay a man, but what he costs you that counts. "

" Advertising is the art of convincing people to spend money they don't have for something they don't need. "

" We can't all be heroes, because somebody has to sit on the curb and applaud when they go by. "

" Liberty doesn't work as well in practice as it does in speeches. "

" When ignorance gets started it knows no bounds. "

" Now if there is one thing that we do worse than any other nation, it is try and manage somebody else's affairs. "

" On account of being a democracy and run by the people, we are the only nation in the world that has to keep a government four years, no matter what it does. "

" The man with the best job in the country is the vice-president. All he has to do is get up every morning and say, 'How is the president?' "

" An onion can make people cry but there's never been a vegetable that can make people laugh. "

" Make crime pay. Become a lawyer. "

" If you want to be successful, it's just this simple. Know what you are doing. Love what you are doing. And believe in what you are doing. "

" The fellow that can only see a week ahead is always the popular fellow, for he is looking with the crowd. But the one that can see years ahead, he has a telescope but he can't make anybody believe that he has it. "

" Never let yesterday use up too much of today. "

" Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment. "

" Prohibition is better than no liquor at all. "

" Too many people spend money they haven't earned to buy things they don't want to impress people they don't like. "

" Instead of giving money to found colleges to promote learning, why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as good as the Prohibition one did, why, in five years we would have the smartest race of people on earth. "

" I bet after seeing us, George Washington would sue us for calling him 'father.' "

" Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects. "

" We don't seem to be able to check crime, so why not legalize it and then tax it out of business? "

" If you can build a business up big enough, it's respectable. "

" I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts. "

" When should a college athlete turn pro? Not until he has earned all he can in college as an amateur. "

" The schools ain't what they used to be and never was. "

" People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing. "

" It isn't what we don't know that gives us trouble, it's what we know that ain't so. "