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" An ignorant person is one who doesn't know what you have just found out. "

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" Make crime pay. Become a lawyer. "

" The fellow that can only see a week ahead is always the popular fellow, for he is looking with the crowd. But the one that can see years ahead, he has a telescope but he can't make anybody believe that he has it. "

" This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer. "

" What the country needs is dirtier fingernails and cleaner minds. "

" There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you. "

" Our constitution protects aliens, drunks and U.S. Senators. "

" The man with the best job in the country is the vice-president. All he has to do is get up every morning and say, 'How is the president?' "

" Things in our country run in spite of government, not by aid of it. "

" It's easy being a humorist when you've got the whole government working for you. "

" Take the diplomacy out of war and the thing would fall flat in a week. "

" Things ain't what they used to be and never were. "

" I have a scheme for stopping war. It's this - no nation is allowed to enter a war till they have paid for the last one. "

" Too many people spend money they haven't earned to buy things they don't want to impress people they don't like. "

" If you make any money, the government shoves you in the creek once a year with it in your pockets, and all that don't get wet you can keep. "

" Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing, and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even. "

" I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with twenty-eight years ago. "

" Democrats never agree on anything, that's why they're Democrats. If they agreed with each other, they would be Republicans. "

" One Ad is worth more to a paper than forty Editorials. "

" The more you observe politics, the more you've got to admit that each party is worse than the other. "

" Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for. "

" If you ever injected truth into politics you have no politics. "

" So let's be honest with ourselves and not take ourselves too serious, and never condemn the other fellow for doing what we are doing every day, only in a different way. "

" Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock. "

" The worst thing that happens to you may be the best thing for you if you don't let it get the best of you. "

" Politics has become so expensive that it takes a lot of money even to be defeated. "

" We will never have true civilization until we have learned to recognize the rights of others. "

" The schools ain't what they used to be and never was. "

" Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save. "

" When should a college athlete turn pro? Not until he has earned all he can in college as an amateur. "

" When ignorance gets started it knows no bounds. "