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" If advertisers spent the same amount of money on improving their products as they do on advertising then they wouldn't have to advertise them. "

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" In Hollywood the woods are full of people that learned to write but evidently can't read. If they could read their stuff, they'd stop writing. "

" Being a hero is about the shortest-lived profession on earth. "

" The only way you can beat the lawyers is to die with nothing. "

" A remark generally hurts in proportion to its truth. "

" There's only one thing that can kill the movies, and that's education. "

" Our constitution protects aliens, drunks and U.S. Senators. "

" I have a scheme for stopping war. It's this - no nation is allowed to enter a war till they have paid for the last one. "

" People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing. "

" One-third of the people in the United States promote, while the other two-thirds provide. "

" A fool and his money are soon elected. "

" I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they now do. "

" Politics has become so expensive that it takes a lot of money even to be defeated. "

" Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there. "

" The time to save is now. When a dog gets a bone, he doesn't go out and make a down payment on a bigger bone. He buries the one he's got. "

" When you put down the good things you ought to have done, and leave out the bad ones you did do well, that's Memoirs. "

" Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in. "

" Liberty doesn't work as well in practice as it does in speeches. "

" There is nothing so stupid as the educated man if you get him off the thing he was educated in. "

" Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for. "

" I belong to no organized party. I am a Democrat. "

" Politics is applesauce. "

" The farmer has to be an optimist or he wouldn't still be a farmer. "

" Never let yesterday use up too much of today. "

" One Ad is worth more to a paper than forty Editorials. "

" There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you. "

" I read about eight newspapers in a day. When I'm in a town with only one newspaper, I read it eight times. "

" Ohio claims they are due a president as they haven't had one since Taft. Look at the United States, they have not had one since Lincoln. "

" Worrying is like paying on a debt that may never come due. "

" Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save. "

" It's a good thing we don't get all the government we pay for. "