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" The more you work in this business as a comedian, the closer you get to just being yourself onstage, on camera, the more well received you are. "

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" Nothing really shocks me anymore. "

" I wasn't a good-looking child. I got screwed out of the genetic deal. My sister looks like a model. I think that's why I'm a comic. I'm deeply insecure, since I was always feeling ugly. I wasn't a healthy child. I had poor self-esteem. That's why I need people's approval. "

" It strikes me as pretty interesting and cool how girls support each other in this business. I've never felt so much support in my life than from my fellow female comedians. I attribute much of my success to some of them. "

" I always told my parents, 'Just give me till I'm 27 to do comedy, to make it'. "

" My standup is years and years of me working things out on the road. I'm really proud of it! A lot of it is about, well... I don't know why I feel this way, but I feel like every special or show I do is some variation on how I feel like I'm not a girl, not yet a woman. "

" Make eye contact with cute strangers. Give guys your email. Email is safer than a number, or at least it feels that way. "

" Up until recently, I've said, 'I don't notice the sexism in the industry.' "

" A college degree was very important for them; it wasn't for me. So I picked English because I'm fluent. I thought it would be the easiest to do. "

" I like guys with a sense of humor who smile a lot and are kind. "

" My sister was very, very beautiful and I was very not. Doing comedy is the greatest thing ever because you don't have to do that, and I've since learned to let go of that. "

" My boyfriend and I have finally learned how to embrace confrontation as something that will only help us as a couple. "

" That's the compliment I get most often - 'You guys are so honest.' "

" My boyfriend and I are not good at fighting. We're better than we were when we started dating - two breakups and three years ago - but it's never come naturally to either of us. I have often wished we fought like I imagine Pink and Carey Hart fight. "

" As a female comic, if you talk about sex in any capacity, you will be branded a 'sex comic,' so I might as well go full force on it. "

" Rob Thomas loves nothing more than for couples to go on dates, and he loves chocolates. Boxes of 20 chocolates. "

" I never feel guilty or anything after a podcast; I feel better. "

" If anyone's going to bring about mass extinction, it'll be Donald Trump. "

" I started out splitting my time between the Kansas City and St. Louis comedy scenes, which both had bluer sensibilities than other cities that I've worked. "

" I am a woman, so I never want to hide that or be like, 'I'm one of the boys,' because I'm not. I am aware of our audience. We always aim for the right combo of not hitting people over head but still getting our message across. "

" I'm so glad I'm not in college anymore. I'm so glad I'm not having kids. "

" When I did 'Nikki and Sara Live,' I think a lot of the comedy got lost because we were always so worried about how we looked, and so was the network. "

" I just want to open people's eyes to different things. "

" The best stuff - the most interesting stuff - usually happens when I allow myself to be in the moment and working from that space. "

" Just sharing things that are either embarrassing or possibly relatable, searching for that laugh so that someone makes me feel less alone. Like, 'Oh, they laughed, so they get what I'm saying. "

" Everything I write in my show is a collaboration with a team. "

" My logic used to be if I get angry at my boyfriend, he could say, 'Well, if that thing I do that I don't want to stop doing makes you mad, I don't need to be with you. Bye!' And then he'd leave me. Forever. "

" Someone told me I looked like a young Tonya Harding recently, as if 'young' would soften the blow. "

" I remember the 'Jenny McCarthy Show' being kind of funny, and I remember her being just like one of the boys. I remember her being counter to everything I thought girls should be on TV, or whatever. I kind of liked her vibe. "

" I don't feel the same pressure to be perfect up there that I did in the beginning. "

" I was inspired by people telling me I should be a comedian. I tried it and had a really good first set, so I was like, 'OK, I'll do this forever'. "