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" The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron. "
Phyllis Diller
Time
Funny
Only
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" We adore babies because they're so cute. And, of course, we are amused by jokes because they are funny. This is all backwards. It is. And Darwin shows us why. "
Daniel Dennett
Jokes
Funny
Cute
" God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny. "
Garrison Keillor
Know
God
Play
" He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle. "
Alice Roosevelt Longworth
Pickle
Been
Funny
" People often can't separate, or can't understand, that to be funny is to be serious; it's a way of pulling people in and not scaring them off. I think a lot of the funny stuff, underneath it, there's a deep anxiety going on. "
Nick Cave
People
Anxiety
Funny
" Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious. "
Peter Ustinov
Comedy
Way
Serious
" I believe in rules. Sure I do. If there weren't any rules, how could you break them? "
Leo Durocher
Funny
Believe
You
" God hadn't made me handsome, but he'd given me something, I always felt: funny bones. "
Jerry Lewis
Handsome
God
Me
" A funny thing happens in real estate. When it comes back, it comes back up like gangbusters. "
Barbara Corcoran
Funny
Back
Back Up
" A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live. "
Bob Hope
Funny
Where
Guy
" How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand. "
Emo Philips
People
How
Here
" Funny thing is that the poorer people are, the more generous they seem to be. "
Dolly Parton
Seem
People
Funny
" There's nothing cure or funny or lovable about being cheap. It's a total turn-off. "
Douglas Coupland
Cure
Nothing
Funny
" It's funny. All you have to do is say something nobody understands and they'll do practically anything you want them to. "
J. D. Salinger
You
Funny
Anything
" I'm blonde and tanned and normal-sized! I'm sweet, shy, funny, have a big heart and I'm nice - and I like to eat. "
Paris Hilton
Heart
Nice
Shy
" It's funny, I listen to friends who talk about back when they were 14, eight, 16, whatever, as if it was yesterday. Me, I've no idea what I did. It's all a blur, I'm afraid. "
Catherine McCormack
Me
Back
Blur
" Our dog died from licking our wedding picture. "
Phyllis Diller
Licking
Our
Picture
" Electricity is really just organized lightning. "
George Carlin
Organized
Electricity
Funny
" Memories are like mulligatawny soup in a cheap restaurant. It is best not to stir them. "
P. G. Wodehouse
Restaurant
Best
Funny
" I have really fond memories of growing up in Chicago, and I always love going back. I still have a lot of really good friends from high school that I go to dinner with. It's kind of become a tradition when I go out there to do a show to give a few friends a call, tell some funny stories about high school and walk down memory lane. "
Kaskade
Walk
Memories
Love
" You can't really be strong until you see a funny side to things. "
Ken Kesey
Strong
Be Strong
You
" Comedy is a tool of togetherness. It's a way of putting your arm around someone, pointing at something, and saying, 'Isn't it funny that we do that?' It's a way of reaching out. "
Kate McKinnon
Way
Saying
Out
" It is not funny that anything else should fall down; only that a man should fall down. Why do we laugh? Because it is a gravely religious matter: it is the Fall of Man. Only man can be absurd: for only man can be dignified. "
Gilbert K. Chesterton
Matter
Down
Fall
" Things that I feel really sad about, I talk about. That way, if it's funny, it doesn't hurt anymore. "
Pete Davidson
Sad
Way
Hurt
" If my mother hadn't laughed at the funny things I did, I probably wouldn't be a comic actor. After she had her first heart attack, the doctor said, 'Try to make her laugh.' And that was the first time I tried to make anyone laugh. "
Gene Wilder
Doctor
Time
She
" They're great girls. They're very funny, they're very smart, they're fun to be with. They're very lively, as I think people can tell. And you know, they're very confident girls. "
Laura Bush
Fun
Great
People
" There's always going to be someone as funny as you or funnier. "
Will Ferrell
You
Always
Going
" I used to write out of angst. My writing was quite miserable, quite angry, even when it was funny. It was based on this sadness and tired emotional disdain for the world. "
David Thewlis
Funny
Writing
Sadness
" 'Funny People' is my favorite performance of myself to date. Even though it's a comedy and there are serious moments, I really felt like Leo felt like a real person. It didn't feel like I was playing myself. Whether it's a comedy or drama, I just try to make it as realistic as possible. "
Jonah Hill
Serious
Funny
Myself
" It's funny, I get a little quieter with time. I don't want to chase my tail and one day repeat myself and repeat myself and one day have kids going to college and not have memories that I should, because I was too busy doing my thing. "
Dave Matthews
Time
Myself
Memories
" I have a memory like an elephant. I remember every elephant I've ever met. "
Herb Caen
Funny
Elephant
Remember