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" There are two kinds of hecklers: the destructive and constructive hecklers. "

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" I think puns are not just the lowest form of wit, but the lowest form of human behavior. "

" I would never heckle someone. That's why I think I'm so interested in someone that would. "

" There's never any time I think I'm a real journalist, because I don't have any of the qualifications or the intentions for that. "

" Armando Iannucci is one of my heroes. As I was growing up, he was probably the most influential comic voice that I had. "

" My family is from Liverpool, so I have some of those vowel sounds, I've got the slack tone of someone from Birmingham, and then I was raised in Bedford, which is just north of London. So my accent, if it's possible, makes even less sense to a Brit than to an American. "

" People, I guess, generally come to see me do stand-up with a working knowledge of my broad sense of humor on 'The Daily Show'... I don't think anyone would mistake me as an actual anchor. "

" It was probably years before I was confident enough in stand-up that I was able to talk about the things I wanted to talk about, the way I wanted to talk about them. "

" I really love stand-up. I'm more than happy to do it for nothing. I've come to America to do it for nothing. It's the American Dream: Work for free. "

" I knew I was going to go into the field and make fun of people to their faces. I knew what I was getting into. "

" I find it hard in my general life to think further than the week ahead. "

" Having a human conversation is not something I've had any training in either as a comedian or as, you know, a human being. "

" You don't really know when stand-up material is TV ready; it's just at what point you're willing to let it go and not work on it anymore. I'm not sure there is a point at which you think: 'And that is finished.' "

" I've made so many people angry that they kind of blur into one unpleasant memory of people staring at you with somewhere between passive aggression and active aggression. "

" I'm always interested in audience interaction. Not so much aggressive audience interaction - I'm genuinely interested in how people see things. "

" My family are from Liverpool, so I have some twang there - I have a Midlands accent, and I was raised about an hour north of London, so my voice is a mess. Although, to American ears, it sounds like the crisp language of a queen's butler. "

" There is no greater anesthetic than sport. "

" When you've married someone who's been at war, there is nothing you can do that compares to that level of selflessness and bravery. "

" Stand-up, for me, is really more of an addiction, so you have to feed the beast whenever you can. "

" I have occasionally - if ever I do interviews that are difficult or nerve-wracking - I take my wife's dog tags and have them in my pocket because it's a very quick way to realize that what I'm doing is not that important. It's not really worth getting stressed about because it's not, you know, war. "

" People are friendlier in New York than London. "

" Attending a Sarah Palin rally was simultaneously one of the strangest and most chilling events of my life. "

" A Southern accent is not a club in my bag. "

" I get nostalgic for British negativity. There is an inherent hope and positive drive to New Yorkers. When you go back to Britain, everybody is just running everything down. It's like whatever the opposite of a hug is. "

" I'm British; pessimism is my wheelhouse. "

" I would much rather America was a more stable, wonderful place. You know, I love it. "

" Australia turns out to be a sensational place, albeit one of the most comfortably racist places I've ever been in. They've really settled into their intolerance like an old resentful slipper. "

" The only thing I'm nervous about is talking to guests like human beings, because all of my interviews so far have been attacking people. I have a genuine concern about sitting across from an actor whose movies I obviously haven't seen. "

" I would hate to meet myself at 15. "

" I can't relax. I find vacations problematic. "