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" This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His dog graduated! "
Henny Youngman
Dog
Go
Graduation
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" It's my goal to make martial arts compulsory for girls in school. In China, you have to do two years of martial arts' training without which you cannot get a graduation degree. "
Akshay Kumar
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" A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so he gave him another six months. "
Henny Youngman
Months
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" Yeah, I spent about 20 years in a dorm room. It took me a while to graduate. "
Douglas Wilson
Dorm
Me
Years
" This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number. "
Henny Youngman
Number
Hotel
Service
" The day after my high school graduation in 1952, I headed to Alaska. I was 17. I started out greasing equipment, then became a heavy-crane operator. I made and saved good money there for two years. "
Dennis Washington
Money
High School
School
" If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks I'm selling dope. "
Henny Youngman
She
Mother
Selling
" It's not how much you spend, it's how you spend it. We have been putting a lot of money into education in the state of Nevada, and it's gotten us to 50th in the country in graduation rates. We needed more accountability in our system. "
Brian Sandoval
Money
Education
Accountability
" If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving. "
Henny Youngman
Funny
First
You
" Our promise to our children should be this: if you do well in school, we will pay for you to obtain a college degree. "
Ruth Ann Minner
School
Graduation
College
" My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but New York City? "
Henny Youngman
New
New York
Time
" I didn't get my degree at NYU; I got it later, they gave me an honourary one. "
Jim Jarmusch
Graduation
Got
Get
" A month before graduation I got an off-Broadway job. Then I did some commercials, including one for MCI. You can only see half of me, but it paid well. Thank God for commercials. "
Lee Pace
Thank God
You
Me
" When I was a graduate student, the leading spirits at Harvard were interested in the history of ideas. "
M. H. Abrams
Ideas
Graduation
History
" Our record number of teenagers must become our record number of high school and college graduates and our record number of teachers, scientists, doctors, lawyers, and skilled professionals. "
Ruben Hinojosa
High School
School
College
" When I graduated from Santa Monica High in 1927, I was voted the girl most likely to succeed. I didn't realize it would take so long. "
Gloria Stuart
Succeed
Long
Graduation
" At graduation, I assumed I'd be in publishing, but first I went to England and got a master's degree in English Literature. And then I came back to New York and had a series of publishing jobs, the way one does. "
Joseph Kanon
Graduation
Literature
New York
" I think women as well as men are concerned about jobs and the economy and spending and, and other issues. They're concerned that when their kids graduate from college they have an economy and they have a future in this country and they, they have the same opportunity that we've had and our grandparents have had. "
Ken Buck
Opportunity
Women
Men
" I have a 4-year-old and a 14-year-old, and think I missed a recital and a graduation, and they were like 'It's OK mommy, we'll take pictures.' It was my upset, though... they were just fine! I just give them a kiss and a hug and let them know that I love them every day. "
Kimberly Quinn
Think
Love
Know
" I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me. "
Henny Youngman
Anniversary
Woman
Wife
" I loved school, was an exceptional student, and found a passion for math and science that led me to Vanderbilt University, where I discovered the world of electrical engineering. I did well in college, loved the work I was doing, and soon found myself climbing the corporate ladder after graduation. I was one of the lucky ones. "
Kimberly Bryant
Myself
School
Passion
" My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash. "
Henny Youngman
Lifeguard
Car
Brother
" A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student. "
Henny Youngman
Poor
Man
Student
" Some go on to trade schools or get further training for jobs they are interested in. Some go into the arts, some are craftsmen, some take a little time out to travel, and some start their own businesses. But our graduates find and work at what they want to do. "
Daniel Greenberg
Training
Work
Own
" Right after graduation, I married Samuel Fisher Babbitt, an academic administrator. I spent the next ten years in Connecticut, Tennessee, and Washington, D.C., raising our children, Christopher, Tom, and Lucy. "
Natalie Babbitt
Children
Washington
Graduation
" After graduation, I took a job with Manufacturers Hanover Trust in software development. I don't think I was there more than a month. "
John Katzman
Trust
Job
Month
" It's very interesting, if you look at a study that was done by the Brookings Institute back in 2009, they determined that if Americans do three things, they can avoid poverty. Three things. Work, graduate from high school, and get married before you have children. "
Rick Santorum
You
School
Work
" I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back. "
Henny Youngman
Finding
Back
Wife
" When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say. "
Henny Youngman
Funny
Say
God
" A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well. "
Henny Youngman
Sick
Soup
Woman
" You must realize that honorary degrees are given generally to people whose SAT scores were too low to get them into schools the regular way. As a matter of fact, it was my SAT scores that led me into my present vocation in life, comedy. "
Neil Simon
Life
You
Way