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" If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving. "

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" She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match. "

" The funny thing is, I'm so used to not caring what anyone says, good or bad, that unfortunately even when people say good things... I wish it made me feel good, but it doesn't. "

" I did 'Love's Labour's Lost' in the theater and found it to be riotously funny. "

Kenneth Branagh

" To handle that stardom, the red carpets, the photo shoots, people all of a sudden recognizing you and following you in everyday life, it's a bit weird. It's strange, and it can have funny effects on you in terms of do you like it or don't you like it. Some people run away from it, some people embrace it; I found a good middle ground. "

" I don't deserve any credit for turning the other cheek as my tongue is always in it. "

Flannery O'Connor

" There is a saying that if you get something for free, you should know that you're the product. It was never more true than in the case of Facebook and Gmail and YouTube. You get free social-media services, and you get free funny cat videos. In exchange, you give up the most valuable asset you have, which is your personal data. "

Yuval Noah Harari

" The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want! "

" Prejudice is a great time saver. You can form opinions without having to get the facts. "

" I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own. "

" Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it. "

Charles Dudley Warner

" I don't say things to be offensive; I say things because they're funny to me. It amuses me. "

" I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator. "

" If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all. And if you do have to say it, make it really funny so I can screenshot it and save it for later. "

Sabrina Carpenter

" I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three. "

" Do not let a flattering woman coax and wheedle you and deceive you; she is after your barn. "

" Men are only as loyal as their options. "

" Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It's all funny. Next. Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things. "

" My favorite kind of humor is basically, if it was happening to you, it wouldn't be funny, but to observe it, it's hilarious. "

" The surprising thing is that I was not funny in high school. I was always jealous of the funny kids because they always got the girls. I couldn't tell a joke to save my life. "

Seann William Scott

" I wasn't close to my father, but I wanted to be all my life. He had a funny sense of humor, and he laughed all the time - good and loud, like I do. He was a gay Irish gentleman and very good-looking. And he wanted to be close to me, too, but we never had much time together. "

" I recorded my hair this morning, tonight I'm watching the highlights. "

" An optimist is a fellow who believes a housefly is looking for a way to get out. "

George Jean Nathan

" When we ask for advice, we are usually looking for an accomplice. "

" I have really fond memories of growing up in Chicago, and I always love going back. I still have a lot of really good friends from high school that I go to dinner with. It's kind of become a tradition when I go out there to do a show to give a few friends a call, tell some funny stories about high school and walk down memory lane. "

" Weather forecast for tonight: dark. "

" The last time I saw him he was walking down lover's lane holding his own hand. "

" I love fools' experiments. I am always making them. "

" When you're out of sight for as long as I was, there's a funny feeling of betrayal that comes over people when they see you again. "

Esther Williams

" I've always believed that there are funny people everywhere, but they're just not comedians. In fact, some of my best comedic inspirations were not professional entertainers. "

" I sang in the choir for years, even though my family belonged to another church. "