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" Watching Republicans in Washington is like watching lemmings, if lemmings jumped into cesspools instead of off cliffs. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Like
Off
Washington
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" Never be unfaithful to a lover, except with your wife. "
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Never
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" There are a number of Americans who shouldn't vote. The number is 57 percent, to judge by the combined total of Clinton and Perot ballots in the 1996 presidential election. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Percent
Vote
Number
" Soldiers are not policemen, and it's very unfair, even for those soldiers who have some police training, to burden them with police duties. It's not what they're trained for, or equipped for. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Soldiers
Some
Training
" Jimmy Carter was - he still - he remains to this day America's most ex of ex-presidents. You just can't believe that we elected this doofus. He was a bright enough guy and sort of well-meaning. But he was about as prepared to be president of the United States as your goofy old uncle, you know, the one that memorises baseball statistics. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Believe
Day
America
" Earnestness is stupidity sent to college. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Earnestness
Stupidity
College
" Southern California is a nice place, if you could cut out the show-business cancer. It just keeps spreading. "
P. J. O'Rourke
You
Place
Nice
" I am unboreable in the great outdoors. "
P. J. O'Rourke
I Am
Am
Great
" We loved cars until the '70s or so. Then they became appliances. They turned into motorized cup holders. Most of it has to do with urban sprawl. What began as pleasure ends up in necessity, as so many things do. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Up
Things
Cup
" Israel is slightly smaller than New Jersey. Moses in effect led the tribes of Israel out of the District of Columbia, parted Chesapeake Bay near Annapolis, and wandered for forty years in Delaware. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Effect
Years
Out
" The young are adept at learning, but even more adept at avoiding it. "
P. J. O'Rourke
More
Learning
Even
" Of course, no one wants to ban the vote. Voting should remain available for sporting and recreational purposes. But certain types of votes clearly should be curtailed - 'assault votes,' for example, in which the only purpose of the vote is to harm others. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Others
Voting
Example
" The words 'Space Age' have a quaint, nostalgic tone - sitting on midcentury modern furniture watching 'The Jetsons.' "
P. J. O'Rourke
Space
Age
Furniture
" There is one thing women can never take away from men. We die sooner. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Die
Women
Take
" I have never Twittered or Tweeted or even Chirped. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Even
Never
" Woodstock had a tremendous impact on American artistic life. "
P. J. O'Rourke
American
Had
Woodstock
" I spend my days kneeling in the muck of language, feeling around for gooey verbs, nouns, and modifiers that I can squash together to make a blob of a sentence that bears some likeness to reason and sense. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Days
Language
I Can
" Wealth brings great benefits to the world. Rich people are heros. "
P. J. O'Rourke
World
Great
People
" If we were to inspect ourselves or members of our family and our friends, we would see that we don't really have to go all the way overseas to be mystified - we can be mystified right at home. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Family
Friends
Home
" When you're a war correspondent, the reader is for you because the reader is saying, 'Gee, I wouldn't want to be doing that.' They're on your side. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Saying
Doing
Side
" Politicians will talk strategy and tactics and policies and programs until they're blue in the face, or you strangle them and they turn blue. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Strategy
You
Blue
" I write because I like to make things and the only things I am good at making things with are words. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Words
Write
Good
" A person has got to balance work and life and family in order to be a balanced person. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Person
Work
Balance
" Horses and horsepower alike are about status and being cool. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Status
Being
Alike
" The body is forever teaching us lessons. There are all sorts of things that we can't do, shouldn't do, had better not do very often or do for too long as we get older. The body makes its presence known. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Forever
Body
Long
" My wife and I both come from Irish families. There are two kinds of Irish families: the hitting kind and the kidding kind. If you're fortunate - and both of us are - you come from the kidding kind of Irish family. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Two
Family
Irish
" Soccer matches should be something special, something people eagerly look forward to, something that brightens life. "
P. J. O'Rourke
People
Life
Soccer
" I do have to travel a lot for speaking engagements. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Engagements
Speaking
Lot
" Californians are people who insist on growing their own vegetables, but they won't dig up the pretty lawn, won't plant anything for fear of getting dirty, and they use fragrant bath salts from The Body Shop instead of smelly compost. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Growing
Plant
People
" I think the Baby Boom does have a tendency to get its nose in everything. The Greatest Generation had a better tendency to leave people alone. Of course, they also had a better tendency to hate everybody's guts. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Better
Baby
Alone
" Liberals consider people to be nuisances. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Consider
People
Liberals