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" Definitely not a TV junkie. I only record shows I want to see but usually never get around to watching them. "

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" I met Adam Sandler through 'Saturday Night Live,' and we became friends. "

" The thing is when I started doing standup, you had to have a clean act because that's how you got on television. There weren't all these cable shows. Also, I didn't want to have that kind of act in case my family came to see me or my kid one day. "

" I really enjoyed working on the 2009 film, 'Aliens in the Attic,' because it was shot in New Zealand and I got to visit there for the first time. "

" I feel guilty: when I'm not golfing, I feel like I should be golfing. And when I'm golfing, I feel like I should be home working or spending time with the family. So it's a real conundrum. "

" I was born in St. Louis; I lived there for three weeks and then my father graduated from St. Louis University, so we all got in the car and split. I don't really remember much. I grew up in Connecticut most of my life and then four years in Germany. My father worked for a helicopter company, so we went over there. "

" Basically, I'm a people pleaser who has a knack for disappointing. "

" To this day, I haven't felt like I've made it. I'm waiting for them to pull the rug out from under me. I kind of feel like George Plimpton; I'm just experiencing this whole business with the really talented people. "

" I always tell people if you think you are susceptible to a blood clot, go check with your doctor. "

" I have a wandering eye and a lazy eye so they cancel each other out. It's a push. "

" I play a lot of sports. I'm not real good at any of them. I'm above adequate. "

" When you discover that you are going to have a child, it stirs up memories of your own childhood. "

" A lot of baby boomers are baby bongers. "

" A special validates you as a stand-up by documenting your material. "

" When a show has been on for so long, you lose fans, you gain fans. I remember this from 'Saturday Night Live.' "

" I loved working on 'Happy Gilmore' because I love to travel to new places and we got to go to British Columbia. Any Adam Sandler film is fun to work on because it is a reunion of the boys club of guys that have worked together in the past. "

" You see things through a different lens when you have a child. "

" Never wear a red t-shirt to Target. I enjoy helping people, but not every two minutes. "

" I think I definitely would have ended up in some kind of show business. I was very interested in music when I was younger. This was back when Crosby, Stills and Nash were around. "

" I think having a child makes you calm down. You sit still. "

" I look back at 'Saturday Night Live' and I think, some people didn't like me doing 'Weekend Update.' Who cares? A lot of people did. When you're reaching that many people, you're not going to have everybody like you. "

" Print is definitely more nutritious. When I leave a website, I'm hungry again an hour later - especially the Chinese websites. "

" My heart started running away, like a pack of horses. Then it slowed down and became irregular. "

" Workers insist that they are not disgruntled. They are very gruntled. "

" I see the love in my child's eyes when he sees me, and I know it's gigantic. As an older person, I've been in love before, and I've loved, but this is really an immense, out-of-control-proportion amount of love that you can't even describe. "

" When I began doing stand-up, it took me a long time to get an hour's worth of material together. "

" I have a severe addiction to 'Angry Birds.' I always tell myself, 'One more game...' But then there's always another and another and another. "

" What happened was, I always wanted to be a singer/songwriter kind of guy like a James Taylor or Crosby, Stills and Nash type of thing; I went to a lot of coffee houses and used to watch all those guys, but I never had the nerve to get up and do it because singing seems so personal and intimate to me. It was too revealing. "

" It is a great rush to come up with a joke that gets a good response from the audience. It's gold! "

" All I ever wanted to do was stand-up. It kind of charges me and gives me a rush. "

" A whole generation of people that didn't know me from 'SNL' recognize me from 'Weeds' now. People recognize me once in a while and appreciate the work. It gets a little embarrassing but it's good. If you work as an accountant, you don't have people coming up to you in the streets saying, 'Hey, great job on tax statements!' "