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" I'm a hybrid. "

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" My incarceration was actually a positive thing from the beginning. I needed a gimmick to get my act going again, it gave me material. "

" You look at Cheney, Rumsfeld, Karl Rove, and Bush - if you saw them on Halloween, they wouldn't need a costume. You'd give them a treat and compliment them on what great-looking demons they were. They are demons. There's no doubt about it. "

" I never did smoke that much pot; never was a big pothead. "

" I love to meet my fans, and after every show I usually hang out for a few hours, talking to my fans, signing autographs, and selling T-shirts. "

" I know the musical world as well as I know the comedy world. "

" People try to put ownership on things: 'That's mine, that's my joke.' No such thing. Like if you tripped or stumbled and people go, 'Oh, that's Charlie Chaplin.' You know what I mean? You can't own a joke. You can be the guy that tells it the best, but you can't own a joke. Nowhere can you own a laugh. "

" You can't become a dictator through checks and balances. "

" I was about sixteen when I discovered that music could get you laid, so I got into music boy, didn't matter what you looked like either, you could be a geeky looking guy but if you played music, whoa, you'd get the girls. "

" Well, I started out as a musician, so when I was about 10 years old, I was already in a band. "

" The smartest billionaires I know never finished high school. I got my degree and my doctorate on the street and an advanced degree in jail. "

" Cheech and I used to call ourselves musicians; we never called ourselves comedians. We were musicians that were funny. "

" You know, I left the country when Reagan got in; I went to France. "

" No. Maceo played sax, didn't he, well they used to sit in. "

" Comedy is the ultimate truth. Jazz is hitting the notes that that no one else would hit, and comedy is saying words that no one else would say. "

" I've been a good boy, I've never really been convicted of serious crime. "

" What made me a comedian was that I wasn't really a songwriter, I was more of a poet. "

" Every time I get tested, I ask questions about it, and I watch how they do it. "

" The GRAMMY was a huge deal. It's the height of any musical career. "

" I've always been into improvisation. "

" Maybe once in a while, you know, after a hard day of shooting or something like that, I'd kick back. "

" The thing is about Cheech & Chong, we've brought more families together than Dr. Phil. "

" Jail was probably the most exciting thing that's ever happened to me. "

" Cigarettes, I won't do cigarettes, nicotine will kill ya. "

" But you can't exercise and be high. It's impossible. "

" Religion is run by thought police. 'Obey. Listen. This is what you do. Don't ask questions. Go die for your country.' The spirituality says, 'Okay, you can die for your country, but know what you're doing while you're doing it.' "

" Awakening your spiritual side is really what artists do. When you hit a groove, it's not you; it's the spirit world. "

" We won a contest at the teen fair in Vancouver and the first prize was a recording contract and we recorded at a radio station on the stairway, and we did a record and it got put out. "

" Activism, to me, I don't know if it really works. It may work for somebody else, but it does not work for me. "

" To be in a situation where you have no rights whatsoever is something I wish everybody could experience. People's attitudes would change. It would be a better place. "

" Music has always been a big part of Cheech & Chong's career, so it's just natural. You know, I was a musician before I met Cheech and had a record with Motown, and so I've got the cred. "