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" What made me a comedian was that I wasn't really a songwriter, I was more of a poet. "

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" Well, I started out as a musician, so when I was about 10 years old, I was already in a band. "

" I know the musical world as well as I know the comedy world. "

" The funny thing is, Dennis Miller got me back into comedy. "

" Every time I get tested, I ask questions about it, and I watch how they do it. "

" But you can't exercise and be high. It's impossible. "

" Any excuse to live in New York and do art. Has to be one of the most rewarding experiences in the world. "

" No. Maceo played sax, didn't he, well they used to sit in. "

" I know, because I tried all sorts of ways of being in character, and the best way is to be totally straight. "

" I've been a good boy, I've never really been convicted of serious crime. "

" Comedy is the ultimate truth. Jazz is hitting the notes that that no one else would hit, and comedy is saying words that no one else would say. "

" I've met a lot of jazz musicians in my day, and they're all funny. "

" Well, I had an after hours club in Vancouver and when any of the Motown acts would call. "

" You look at Cheney, Rumsfeld, Karl Rove, and Bush - if you saw them on Halloween, they wouldn't need a costume. You'd give them a treat and compliment them on what great-looking demons they were. They are demons. There's no doubt about it. "

" The Shades never recorded anything, Little Daddy and the Bachelors recorded a couple of records, ya. "

" They just wanted to show the entertainment world that we're vulnerable. "

" Unfortunately, the American justice system is just riddled with lies and inconsistencies. "

" Life, especially in America, is ruled by corporations. "

" I was more of a weightlifter. "

" One night all the James Brown band was playing on stage and I look in the back and I could see Mick Jagger and Keith Richards trying to get in the club and they couldn't get in cause it was to crowded. "

" Cheech and I used to call ourselves musicians; we never called ourselves comedians. We were musicians that were funny. "

" Activism, to me, I don't know if it really works. It may work for somebody else, but it does not work for me. "

" Everything that happens to me is very cosmic. "

" We won a contest at the teen fair in Vancouver and the first prize was a recording contract and we recorded at a radio station on the stairway, and we did a record and it got put out. "

" The thing is about Cheech & Chong, we've brought more families together than Dr. Phil. "

" I was about sixteen when I discovered that music could get you laid, so I got into music boy, didn't matter what you looked like either, you could be a geeky looking guy but if you played music, whoa, you'd get the girls. "

" I've always been into improvisation. "

" The way jazz works is that we take a theme, and then we write using the same structure, same chord changes, and then we can do different tunes. "

" The smartest billionaires I know never finished high school. I got my degree and my doctorate on the street and an advanced degree in jail. "

" The trouble when you're doing something illegal is that you know what you're doing. You're lying to your parents, you're lying to your kids. The only person you can't lie to is yourself. "

" There's a hierarchy in prison, and I was right at the top. "