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" All religious believers should be licensed to make sure that they are competent to hold opinions and viewpoints and that they don't believe in just any old thing, such as creationism or a flat tax. "

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" Californians are people who insist on growing their own vegetables, but they won't dig up the pretty lawn, won't plant anything for fear of getting dirty, and they use fragrant bath salts from The Body Shop instead of smelly compost. "

P. J. O'Rourke

Growing

Plant

People

" Fiscal conservatism is just an easy way to express something that is a bit more difficult, which is that the size and scope of government, and really the size and scope of politics in our lives, has grown uncomfortable, unwieldy, intrusive and inefficient. "

" If there are three words that need to be used more in American journalism, commentary, politics, personal life... it's the magic words 'I don't know.' "

" We did not become libertarians because we are altruists. "

" In Henry Adams, I discovered not only the prototype of the modern thinker but also someone who is more interesting: a viper-toothed, puling, supercilious crank, thwarted in ambition, aging gracelessly, mad at the cosmos, and ashamed of his own jejune ideals. He is nevertheless very dear to me. "

P. J. O'Rourke

Aging

Mad

" We need a government, alas, because of the nature of humans. "

" Finland is a rich country. What have they got? They got Nokia phones and plywood. How'd they get so rich? Because they're free. "

" In Toledo, people grow out. Out to the suburbs. Out to the parts of America where the economy is more vigorous. And all too often, out to 48-inch waistbands. "

P. J. O'Rourke

Grow

People

" The whole idea of our government is this: If enough people get together and act in concert, they can take something and not pay for it. "

" Banning paper and plastic and making shoppers carry their groceries home in their mouths like dogs is just the thing to make a little tin humanist in the Obama West Wing think he's admiral of the Uzbek Navy. "

" The First Amendment only says 'Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion.' It can disrespect all it wants. "

" Just because a subject is serious doesn't mean it doesn't have plenty of absurdities. "

" Southern California is a nice place, if you could cut out the show-business cancer. It just keeps spreading. "

" I understand Twitter has become popular among politicians. This technology allows them to stay in perpetual contact with their constituents. The electorate now has instant information about what politicians have been up to. "

" Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly. "

" Of all the American educational system's problems, none is more severe than the academic year beginning before Labor Day. "

" The bar is set pretty low if you want to be a hip, accessible conservative. "

" Once you've built the big machinery of political power, remember you won't always be the one to run it. "

" Not much was really invented during the Renaissance, if you don't count modern civilization. "

" TV ushered in the age of postliteracy. And we have gone so far beyond that. I mean, what with the Internet and Google and Wikipedia. We have entered the age of post-intelligence. "

" The budget doesn't have much control over the government. Then again, the government doesn't have much control over the budget. "

" Adam Smith is misread as being amoral precisely because people don't read his first book, because they don't read 'The Theory of Moral Sentiments.' "

" A deadly sins addendum is long overdue. Life has changed since Pope Gregory the Great scribbled his initial list in the sixth century. "

" I had a confused early hippie phase, which was like a cafeteria tray of sloppy, semi-Marxist thoughts, absorbed second-hand. "

P. J. O'Rourke

Early

Confused

" Everybody is xenophobic to an extent. "

" A lot of newspaper columns used to be written in a rat-a-tat-tat, fast-paced style - and they tended to be funny. They were a little relief from the grimmer, grayer parts of the newspaper, and one of the best people at doing this was Will Rogers. "

" To mistrust science and deny the validity of scientific method is to resign your job as a human. You'd better go look for work as a plant or wild animal. "

" The poor are an especially important resource for innovation when they have the bravery and pluck to get out of the poor places in which they're living. "

" Corporate corruption has ecological merits. It's helping to preserve that species known as Democrats - thought to be endangered as recently as the year 2000. "

" Art Nouveau got its inspiration from nature. The Bauhaus got its inspiration from engineering. "