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" To mistrust science and deny the validity of scientific method is to resign your job as a human. You'd better go look for work as a plant or wild animal. "

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" In midlife, we're as dumb as we get. "

" Neither liberal nor conservative politicians can resist the temptation to stand as mighty sequoias of rectitude amid the lowly underbrush of fundraising. "

" Maybe the real secret to America's greatness is that we hate one another. "

" Something is worth what somebody will pay for it. Nothing else, nothing more, nothing less. "

" Woodstock had a tremendous impact on American artistic life. "

" Like most sensible people, you probably lost interest in modern art about the time that Julian Schnabel was painting broken pieces of the crockery that his wife had thrown at him for painting broken pieces of crockery instead of painting the bathroom and hall. "

" Northwest Ohio is flat. There isn't much up. The land is so flat that a child from Toledo is under the impression that the direction hills go is down. Sledding is done down from street level into creek beds and road cuts. "

" Global warming is a fact. Now it's up to liberals to make it a reality. Hence there is crucial importance in preventing powerful, greedy free market forces from getting in the way of worsening storms and rising sea levels. The Kyoto Accord is a good first step. "

" Fall of the Berlin wall? Being there was fun. Nations that flaked off of the Soviet Union in southeastern Europe, Central Asia, and the Caucasus? Being there was not so fun. "

" Rahm Emanuel is, we are almost certain, a vampire. "

" Zero-sum thinking is an obsession of mine, but mostly in economics. "

" Writing on a computer makes saving what's been written too easy. Pretentious lead sentences are kept, not tossed. Instead of sitting surrounded by crumpled paper, the computerized writer has his mistakes neatly stored in digital memory. "

" We all know the types who listen to Pete Seeger songs; even Pete admits they aren't interesting. "

" America gives every appearance of being a nation besotted with trashiness - divorce, illegitimacy, casual Fridays. "

" Supposedly, summer vacation happens because that's when the kids are home from school, although having the kids home from school is no vacation. And supposedly the kids are home from school because of some vestigial throwback to our agricultural past. "

" Of all the American educational system's problems, none is more severe than the academic year beginning before Labor Day. "

" When the government runs out of lenders, it can do something that households are forbidden to do: print money. "

" A hat should be taken off when you greet a lady and left off for the rest of your life. Nothing looks more stupid than a hat. "

" People think the free market is a philosophy, they think that it is a creed. It is none of those things. Free market is a bathroom scale, it is a measuring tape, it's simply a measurement. "

" I am a student of stupidity. I am a political reporter. "

" You're never going to read 'The Wealth of Nations,' and you shouldn't, really. It's 900 pages. "

" There are two factors in American politics that may seem strange to Europeans: race and religion. "

" It's hard to be serious in life. "

" Some people think that welfare reform should have hurt Bill Clinton with black voters. "

" I do have to travel a lot for speaking engagements. "

" Computers seem a little too adaptively flexible, like the strange natives, odd societies, and head cases we study in the social sciences. There's more opposable thumb in the digital world than I care for; it's awfully close to human. "

" My wife and I both come from Irish families. There are two kinds of Irish families: the hitting kind and the kidding kind. If you're fortunate - and both of us are - you come from the kidding kind of Irish family. "

" Being a humorist is not a voluntary thing. You can tell this because in a situation where saying a funny thing will cause a lot of trouble, a humorist will still say the funny thing. No matter how inappropriate. "

" Conservatives really don't believe in politics as the primary instrument of getting along in life and therefore don't tend to put their energy into it a way people left of center do. "

" Preachers at black churches are the last people left in the English-speaking world who know the schemes and tropes of classical rhetoric: parallelism, antithesis, epistrophe, synecdoche, metonymy, periphrasis, litotes - the whole bag of tricks. "