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" As scarce as truth is, the supply has always been in excess of the demand. "

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" Genius ain't anything more than elegant common sense. "

" About the most originality that any writer can hope to achieve honestly is to steal with good judgment. "

" The best way to convince a fool that he is wrong is to let him have his own way. "

" The wheel that squeaks the loudest is the one that gets the grease. "

" There is no greater evidence of superior intelligence than to be surprised at nothing. "

" There are two kinds of fools: those who can't change their opinions and those who won't. "

" One of the greatest victories you can gain over someone is to beat him at politeness. "

" Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed. "

" Laughter is the sensation of feeling good all over and showing it principally in one place. "

" If you ever find happiness by hunting for it, you will find it, as the old woman did her lost spectacles, safe on her own nose all the time. "

" Love is said to be blind, but I know some fellows in love who can see twice as much in their sweethearts as I do. "

" The thinner the ice, the more anxious is everyone to see whether it will bear. "

" Confess your sins to the Lord and you will be forgiven; confess them to man and you will be laughed at. "

" There is nothing so easy to learn as experience and nothing so hard to apply. "

" Most people repent their sins by thanking God they ain't so wicked as their neighbors. "

" I have never known a person to live to be one hundred and be remarkable for anything else. "

" There are some people so addicted to exaggeration that they can't tell the truth without lying. "

" I have lived in this world just long enough to look carefully the second time into things that I am most certain of the first time. "

" Honesty is the rarest wealth anyone can possess, and yet all the honesty in the world ain't lawful tender for a loaf of bread. "

" Knowledge is like money: the more he gets, the more he craves. "

" The road to ruin is always in good repair, and the travellers pay the expense of it. "

" The trouble with people is not that they don't know but that they know so much that ain't so. "

" Common sense is instinct, and enough of it is genius. "

" Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well. "

" It is better to know nothing than to know what ain't so. "

" Take all the fools out of this world and there wouldn't be any fun living in it, or profit. "

" There are two things in life for which we are never truly prepared: twins. "

" The best time for you to hold your tongue is the time you feel you must say something or bust. "

" There's a lot of people in this world who spend so much time watching their health that they haven't the time to enjoy it. "

" When a man comes to me for advice, I find out the kind of advice he wants, and I give it to him. "