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" I have never known a person to live to be one hundred and be remarkable for anything else. "

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" The best medicine I know for rheumatism is to thank the Lord that it ain't gout. "

" As scarce as truth is, the supply has always been in excess of the demand. "

" If you ever find happiness by hunting for it, you will find it, as the old woman did her lost spectacles, safe on her own nose all the time. "

" As a general thing, when a woman wears the pants in a family, she has a good right to them. "

" It is a very delicate job to forgive a man, without lowering him in his own estimation, and yours too. "

" Be kind to your mother-in-law, but pay for her board at some good hotel. "

" About the most originality that any writer can hope to achieve honestly is to steal with good judgment. "

" Don't ever prophesy; for if you prophesy wrong, nobody will forget it; and if you prophesy right, nobody will remember it. "

" The road to ruin is always in good repair, and the travellers pay the expense of it. "

" It ain't often that a man's reputation outlasts his money. "

" Take all the fools out of this world and there wouldn't be any fun living in it, or profit. "

" Most people when they come to you for advice, come to have their own opinions strengthened, not corrected. "

" Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well. "

" Every man has his follies - and often they are the most interesting thing he has got. "

" Genius ain't anything more than elegant common sense. "

" Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed. "

" Learning sleeps and snores in libraries, but wisdom is everywhere, wide awake, on tiptoe. "

" One of the greatest victories you can gain over someone is to beat him at politeness. "

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" Common sense is instinct, and enough of it is genius. "

" There's a great power in words, if you don't hitch too many of them together. "

" To bring up a child in the way he should go, travel that way yourself once in a while. "

" Common sense is the knack of seeing things as they are, and doing things as they ought to be done. "

" Man was created a little lower than the angels and has been getting a little lower ever since. "

" The best time for you to hold your tongue is the time you feel you must say something or bust. "

" If there was no faith there would be no living in this world. We could not even eat hash with any safety. "

" There are some people so addicted to exaggeration that they can't tell the truth without lying. "

" When a man comes to me for advice, I find out the kind of advice he wants, and I give it to him. "

" The wheel that squeaks the loudest is the one that gets the grease. "

" Marrying for love may be a bit risky, but it is so honest that God can't help but smile on it. "