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" Buy land, they're not making it anymore. "

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" The lack of money is the root of all evil. "

" There are basically two types of people. People who accomplish things, and people who claim to have accomplished things. The first group is less crowded. "

" Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet. "

" Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. "

" Martyrdom covers a multitude of sins. "

" Words are only painted fire; a look is the fire itself. "

" A person who won't read has no advantage over one who can't read. "

" Laws control the lesser man... Right conduct controls the greater one. "

" The more you explain it, the more I don't understand it. "

" A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way. "

" Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company. "

" He is now rising from affluence to poverty. "

" The most interesting information comes from children, for they tell all they know and then stop. "

" Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which, before their union, were not perceived to have any relation. "

" Let us endeavor so to live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry. "

" It is just like man's vanity and impertinence to call an animal dumb because it is dumb to his dull perceptions. "

" Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect. "

" Familiarity breeds contempt - and children. "

" Thousands of geniuses live and die undiscovered - either by themselves or by others. "

" The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow; there is no humor in Heaven. "

" Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get. "

" To be good is noble; but to show others how to be good is nobler and no trouble. "

" Thunder is good, thunder is impressive; but it is lightning that does the work. "

" We Americans... bear the ark of liberties of the world. "

" The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not. "

" Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable. "

" When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear. "

" Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone, you may still exist, but you have ceased to live. "

" Don't let schooling interfere with your education. "

" Let us make a special effort to stop communicating with each other, so we can have some conversation. "