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" Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company. "

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" Working with Julie Andrews is like getting hit over the head with a valentine. "

Christopher Plummer

" I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three. "

" The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it. "

Terry Pratchett

" I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight. "

" The more things are forbidden, the more popular they become. "

" Why shouldn't truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense. "

" Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear. "

" Things have to be funny first, and if they want to have a point, that's awesome. "

" Being a funny person does an awful lot of things to you. You feel that you mustn't get serious with people. They don't expect it from you, and they don't want to see it. You're not entitled to be serious, you're a clown. "

" Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again. "

Robert A. Heinlein

" Food, love, career, and mothers, the four major guilt groups. "

Cathy Guisewite

" No matter how popular you are as a stand-up - you can go out and fill a 10,000-seat arena and be smart and funny - it's delicate to host an awards show and know where your place is and know that it's not about you, that it's about the people who are nominated, and respect that, but at the same time have your moment to show them who you are. "

Ellen DeGeneres

" People often can't separate, or can't understand, that to be funny is to be serious; it's a way of pulling people in and not scaring them off. I think a lot of the funny stuff, underneath it, there's a deep anxiety going on. "

" If you believe, as I do believe, in reincarnation, they say that every time you come back, it's because you have to finish something. I've a funny feeling that my thing in this life is to have one relationship after another. "

" It's so funny because I listen to songs that I recorded that I didn't really know anything about at the time. Later on I'm starting to feel the songs. Sing them first, feel them later. "

" I'm very, very amateur, which is funny because I'm not in the amateur leagues. "

" We are all born mad. Some remain so. "

" It's a funny thing, the less people have to live for, the less nerve they have to risk losing nothing. "

Zora Neale Hurston

" My mother was a nurse, and in her era, most diseases weren't understood; people put mustard plasters on knees and rubbed camphor on your chest if you had a cough and did funny things to you if you had tuberculosis - all these things that really made very little difference once proper treatments were brought in. "

" Funny things happen to you in movies for silly reasons. "

" I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives. "

" I usually stalk fans because I think they're really funny on Twitter. They don't know it, but I'll just go through their timelines, and if something is happening in the media, I always read fan accounts instead of the news because they have all the info and make the funniest jokes about it, so that's how I get my gossip - by stalking fans. "

" Do you know, it's funny, but I never thought of being blind as a disadvantage, and I never thought of being black as a disadvantage. "

" The funny thing is, all my friends are short. I wasn't aware of tall people till I got to high school. I didn't know they existed. I was sheltered. "

" If you're naturally kind, you attract a lot of people you don't like. "

William Feather

" The very ink with which history is written is merely fluid prejudice. "

" The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want! "

" Turns out you have a really fun time if you go to work every day and focus on being silly and funny and happy! "

" Do the thing you fear most and the death of fear is certain. "

" Because death and illness are the most horrible things in life, of course that's where the most absurdly funny things are going to happen. "