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" College professors used to be badly paid and worth it. Colleges used to be modest institutions; they should go back to being modest institutions. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Worth
Used
Go
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" Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Death
Dying
Child
" New Hampshire polling data are unreliable because, when you call the Granite State's registered Republicans and independents in the middle of dinner and ask them who they're going to vote for, they have a mouth full of mashed potatoes and you can't understand what they say. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Dinner
Say
Data
" America is not a wily, sneaky nation. We don't think that way. We don't think much at all, thank God. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Nation
Think
Thank God
" Voting has proliferated in the United States, and it has reached a point where there is now almost one vote available per citizen over the age of eighteen. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Voting
Over
Age
" The U.S. tax code was written by A students. Every April 15, we have to pay somebody who got an A in accounting to keep ourselves from being sent to jail. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Jail
Accounting
Pay
" The library, with its Daedalian labyrinth, mysterious hush, and faintly ominous aroma of knowledge, has been replaced by the computer's cheap glow, pesky chirp, and data spillage. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Cheap
Library
Knowledge
" The 20th century was a test bed for big ideas - fascism, communism, the atomic bomb. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Test
Ideas
Fascism
" I think the Baby Boom does have a tendency to get its nose in everything. The Greatest Generation had a better tendency to leave people alone. Of course, they also had a better tendency to hate everybody's guts. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Better
Baby
Alone
" Something is worth what somebody will pay for it. Nothing else, nothing more, nothing less. "
P. J. O'Rourke
More
Less
Nothing
" I live in rural New Hampshire, and we are, frankly, short on people who are black, gay, Jewish, and Hispanic. In fact, we're short on people. My town has a population of 301. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Short
Black
Gay
" I understand Twitter has become popular among politicians. This technology allows them to stay in perpetual contact with their constituents. The electorate now has instant information about what politicians have been up to. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Technology
Information
Politicians
" There are two factors in American politics that may seem strange to Europeans: race and religion. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Race
Religion
Two
" The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Average
Dressed
Better
" Northwest Ohio is flat. There isn't much up. The land is so flat that a child from Toledo is under the impression that the direction hills go is down. Sledding is done down from street level into creek beds and road cuts. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Road
Street
Go
" When the government runs out of lenders, it can do something that households are forbidden to do: print money. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Government
Money
Something
" Never fight an inanimate object. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Object
Fight
Funny
" When I board an airplane these days, all the middle-aged men are dressed like me - when I was an 8-year-old. They're in shorts and T-shirts. And it's not just on airplanes. It's in business offices, teachers' lounges, and churches. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Teachers
Men
Me
" By the end of the 1950s, American cars were so reliable that their reliability went without saying even in car ads. Thousands of them bear testimony to this today, still running on the roads of Cuba though fueled with nationalized Venezuelan gasoline and maintained with spit and haywire. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Car
Today
American
" Politics is the one field you don't age out of. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Field
You
Politics
" Until I carried my wife off to New Hampshire, she defined wilderness as the Bronx. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Wife
Wilderness
Until
" I write because I like to make things and the only things I am good at making things with are words. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Words
Write
Good
" You don't despair about something like the Middle East, you just do the best you can. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Despair
Like
Middle
" What Enron was doing, what caused investors to embrace it in a rapture of baffled awe, was hiding debt. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Enron
Awe
Debt
" Rich people don't like to be in the military. The shoes are ugly and the uniforms itch. Rich people don't go in much for revolution or terrorism, either. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Ugly
People
Revolution
" I'm really tired of virtue. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Virtue
Really
Tired
" Democrats hate stay-at-home spouses, no matter what gender or gender preference. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Gender
Spouses
Matter
" The best and brightest don't go into politics. The best and brightest are at Goldman Sachs. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Go
Politics
Best
" No doubt the ridiculous politicians are right to like politics. They have found careers in which success can be achieved by being ridiculous. Imagine Jimmy Carter or George W. Bush rising to the top of any other profession. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Politicians
Politics
Success
" In midlife, we're as dumb as we get. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Get
Dumb
" The problem in Afghanistan is really not so much land as water. It's a dry country with ample amounts of water running through it, but not to good enough effect. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Country
Problem
Water